3rd Assignment
In a perfect world mediators should never be necessary. Everyone would use all the communication methods we have been learning themselves to settle their own disputes. One of the main goals of mediation is teaching the disputants methods for solving, not just today’s dispute, but future disputes also.
1. First, review all the communication skill summaries in your Course Reader. 2. Read Chapter 2 (pp. 37-57) in Barsky to see how he describes the skills useful in coping with disputes.
3. Take Self-Improvement Quiz #2 which is Document #25 in the Course Documents Section of Blackboard before you do this week’s mediation. Use the Quiz as a tool to make sure you really understand some of the important concepts in Chapter 2. If you miss an item, re-read the indicated pages. Try to figure it out yourself before retaking the Quiz. Eventually you will score 100% so there is no penalty for making mistakes.
4. Meet with your Team for two purposes:
(a) Decide how you will pick a person to be the “career participant” in your Team’s video. That person should be employed (self-employed is OK) and willing to be the principal character in the documentary video your team will be producing. You could choose a relative, a friend, a neighbor, a local shop keeper, a Stanford employee, your postal carrier, almost anyone. You need to begin exploring for their potential cooperation now. Review details in “Making a Career Video,” Document #2 under Course Information in Blackboard. Talk about ideas with your teammates. Each of you could explore the idea with someone you think might be good but without making a commitment right now. Then next week you could compare notes. See Question #7 below.
(b) Conduct your 2nd mediation session this week. The two people who were mediators last week should be disputants this week. Then post your responses to the following questions on the Discussion Board before 5:00 PM Friday, Oct. 12.
(1) What differences and similarities in fundamental values do you believe Joyce and David brought to this dispute?
David was concerned about the value of his money. He was occupied with his financial involvement in purchasing Jasper. While Joyce also stated that she spent money on Jasper’s caretaking, her main concern was for the dog to be happy and make his choice. Thus, David was self-interested while Joyce wanted the dog to have his choice.
However, both David and Joyce wanted to have Jasper for companionship. They put great value to love and attachment.
(2) How did your own fundamental values operate in your feelings and actions toward Joyce and David
My values did not directly apply in David’s role-play. Since I was acting, I tried to make the situation as antagonistic and hostile as possible. I made David seem like a selfish person who wanted the dog because it was the only item he had bought. My fundamental values would have suggested a mutual ownership of Jasper since I would acknowledge that Joyce paid for the caretaking even though I bought the dog.
I was open to brainstorming ideas with Joyce and understood her needs of companionship were stronger than mine. This reflects my fundamental values of open-mindedness and empathy.
(3) How would you describe your part in making the mediation as successful as it was?
While I put on a good fight in trying to be David and defending my position and rights towards the dog, I suggested ideas during the brainstorm that were incorporated in the final decision. I was able to keep my cool, not use cross words while at the same time stating frankly how I felt about Joyce’s attitude towards the situation as well as my own, as David.
(4) What was the final agreement that Joyce and David agreed on (exact words)?
Jasper will choose between Joyce and David by placing him between the two of them in a neutral environment and allowing the dog to “pick” which owner he wants. The first person to pet Jasper (without moving) will get to keep the dog. For the 24 hours before this event, the dog will stay with a common friend (so neither person has an unfair advantage.
If Jasper picks Joyce, Jasper will be Joyce’s dog, but will be allowed to visit David’s apartment every weekend for the first three months so that the dog can have the opportunity to breed with a female dog (which David’s new girlfriend owns and already lives at their place). If the dog breeds with-in these three months or anytime after (although after three months there will be no more visits to David’s), David will get one of the puppies.
If Jasper picks David, Jasper will be David’s dog, and if the dog breeds with the other dog in their apartment within three months, Joyce will get a puppy. If the breeding occurs after three months time, Joyce will have gotten a new dog, and does not want a puppy.
(5) What was the most significant idea, insight or skill that you gained from this role play and how will that affect what you would do differently in future mediation sessions?
From the mediators on my team, I learned the importance of being focused on ‘bringing the two parties together.’ The co-mediators did a great job of reflective listening and interjections keeping the final aim in mind. Along with focusing on the ground rules, I will try to keep the main aim in mine since that is the final aim of a mediation- to churn out a solution acceptable and suggested by the involved parties.
(6) What puzzles you so far about this mediation process?
What keeps me on my toes is whether the mediation session will entail solutions arising from the parties themselves. I find it fascinating and am curious before every mediation session to see how the parties will come up with solutions. What’s puzzling is how through constant talking, neutrality, validation and reflecting of thoughts parties begin to understand the situation more clearly and thus take an active part in contemplating ideas.
(7)With whom are you going to explore this idea about being the video career participant?
I’m going to ask my relative in Los Altos whose solved some family disputes through mediation
Then, between 5:00 PM Friday and noon Monday (Oct. 15), read the postings of as many classmates you wish and reply to at least two of them with your helpful information, opinions and/or questions.