Revered Role Models

Kedoshim

Kedoshim 26 Nissan 5771

Revered Role Models

Harav Shaul Yisraeli – based on Siach Shaul, pp. 334-335

The living spirit and main goal of the mitzvot of the Torah is “be holy” (Vayikra 19:2), the words after which our parasha is named. As the Ramban explains, the mitzvot are not just technical requirements but are intended to mold a proper Torah personality. Getting into specifics, the Torah starts with the mitzva to fear one’s parents. Honoring them is not enough, as some sort of awe/fear is in order, and this is apparently a path leading toward the desired sanctity.

The Torah says that the child who is to fear is “ish” (a man). A child grows into a young man, who has a status of standing on his own, with his own logic, desires, and judgment. Like one who starts off some project, the adolescent has a desire to dismiss the past and be his own beginning. This is specifically the time when there is a need to remember the mandate to revere his parents. When the natural reverence of childhood wanes, there is a need for a command to continue to exhort him to do so.

The halachot of ben sorer u’moreh (the rebellious son) also begin when the child turns into a man. His parents complain that he does not listen to them and that he is eating and drinking like a glutton. Just as the Ramban says that the gluttony is antithetical to being holy, so is not listening to one’s parents.

A soft sapling is weak, and when one becomes a bar mitzva and his yetzer hatov (good inclination) arrives, his yetzer hara (evil inclination) is already well entrenched (see Kohelet Rabba 4:1 and Rashi to Bereishit 8:21). As he grows through adolescence, the yetzer hara just broadens its horizons. What starts with gluttony continues with following his eyes and his heart to promiscuity and corrupt philosophies. This is when he needs the ideal guides, his parents. The mother’s heart, which is focused on concern for the family, together with the eyes of the father, which saw much and know to distinguish between things of value and exciting packaging with no content, are the proper counterbalance to the yetzer hara.

Reverence for one’s parents has a major impact on the child’s developing intellect. One learns from them to accept that which is positive and to weed out that which is negative. While the young generation is drawn to a new style of bravery in an outward manner, it is important to attach to it the power of the internal spirit of strength. One can embark on a new approach but do so in a way where in its core essence, it is a new form of the same old values.

Parents must also learn lessons. As the child grows up, the parents’ roles change and become more complicated. It is possible to impose one’s will on a small child. However, as he grows up, it becomes more important to be a living role model and less of a strict disciplinarian. It becomes forbidden to hit the young adult child, who is, Heaven forbid, capable of hitting back (Moed Katan 17a). It will not be possible to keep up the awe if the parent undermines his own status in the child’s eyes.

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by Rav Daniel Mann

Question:I am a yeshiva student who will be home after Pesach. My father is not Jewish, and my mother does not keep kosher for Pesach. Do I have a problem with packaged chametz that will be around the house, as it was owned by my non-Jewish father, or should I assume that my mother owns (some of) the chametz?

Answer:Chametzthat is owned by a Jew over Pesach is forbidden for him or any other Jew to eat or benefit from (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 448:3), but not chametz that is owned by a non-Jew. According to classic halacha, in a marriage, the husband receives his wife’s salaries, owns "family property," and controls the property his wife brought into the marriage while they remain married. However, this is not an intrinsic law but an arrangement the Rabbis instituted, if the wife agrees, in return for the husband’s obligation of full support and other matters (Ketubot 47b). Your parents are not halachically married. Furthermore, the Rabbis did not get involved in the financial arrangements in non-Jewish marriages. Thus ownership of property of a non-Jewish or intermarried depends couple depends on individual agreement, societal norms, and/or secular law. It is safe to assume that when a 21st century, Western-society spouse buys crackers in the supermarket from joint finances, they are jointly owned.

Therefore, at first glance, your mother has a share in the chametz, and it will be forbidden to you, while your father’s will not. How is one to know whose share he is eating from? There is a concept called bereira, which, among whose applications and when it applies, is that when joint owners of property divide it amongst themselves, we say that the part that each person received was his all along. We rule that one can apply bereira regarding rabbinic, not Torah, law (Beitza 38a). Although chametz is a Torah law, the prohibition after Pesach is a k’nas (rabbinic injunction) against those who were lax regarding the prohibition of possessing chametz on Pesach (see Beit Yosef, OC 448; Mishna Berura 448:2). Thus, if a system could be arranged so that your father would take chametz articles for himself and then give to you, the problem would be solved. (The Sha’agat Aryeh (90) argues that even the Jew’s part should be permitted because he may have gotten the non-Jew’s part, but even if we accept that, there should still have to be a division among the food and one could not take from everything (see ibid. 91 and Mekor Chayim 448:1)). However, the guidelines of activating bereira are difficult enough to explain to them for us not to recommend it. If your parents are willing to cooperate with your halachic lifestyle, it makes more sense for your mother to appoint you an agent to sell her (part in the) chametz and ask her not to buy on Pesach at least chametz that will last until after Pesach (it is easy to figure out when bread was bought). As far as the possibility of mix up, one can be quite lenient,at least when there is need, regarding assumptions of which food was obtained when (see Chulin 4b).

There are lenient opinions regarding chametz possessed by a totally irreligious Jew. The Taz (448:2) and Mishna Berura (448:11) say that if a Jew sold chametz to a non-religious Jew, the latter can sell it after Pesach to a non-Jew and give the money to the Jew instead of having him incur a great loss. They do not allow a Jew to eat the actual chametz. There is a fringe opinion that the injunction to discourage people from possessing chametz does not apply to those who disregard their halachic responsibilities as Jews (see She’ilat David (Karlin), OC 5). In your case, there is one further point for leniency [which would not be appropriate to discuss publicly]. We imagine that in order to eat in the house, you anyway must have different utensils and food. If so, buying packaged chametz after Pesach from appropriate sources would seem not to change things so much. However, if there is a strong need for leniency, please contact us again so we can discuss your specific needs and options.

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Human Dignity

(condensed from Ein Ayah, Berachot 6:47)

Gemara: It is no’ach [literally, comfortable, but in context, preferable – see later on] for a person to throw himself into a furnace than to whiten the face of a person (with embarrassment) in public. From where do we know this? From Tamar [who was willing to be burnt rather than expose Yehuda’s impropriety].

Ein Ayah: Just like pursuing imaginary respect is one of the bad traits that make a person lose his place in the world, so too the true recognition of a life of human dignity and the despising of a life of disgrace is a foundation of the world. This elevates a person’s spirit to recognize the true dignity of shleimut (completeness) and the value of truth in wisdom and knowledge of Hashem. Therefore, a person should realize that the value of life stands on its own only when it is connected to the feeling of human dignity. When a person is missing that feeling of dignity, his life is not considered a human life.

It is true that there are people “of a great heart” who are willing to accept degradation with love because they see it as a preparation for a more complete and greater honor, which is the honor of shleimut. However, this is not a sign that human dignity does not have value, for indeed it is the form of human life.

It is based on the above that the gemara says that it is preferable for a person to give up his physical life, even in an unusual manner that is the opposite of dignity for a moment, than to embarrass his counterpart in public in a manner that shrouds his friend’s dignity over the future in an inerasable cloud. This is because the impact of something done in front of many people is very great, and when one loses his human dignity in that forum, he loses his standing and the value of his life.

Therefore, due to the moral aspirations of a complete person who knows how to value life, it is more fitting to prefer losing his physical life than to cause his friend to lose his dignity, which is like an ongoing, undesirable death. It is possible that based on the rules of the Torah, one should not actually give his life under such circumstances because a full life has a great advantage in that his friend can have his dignity that escaped him healed and restored to him. However from the perspective of what one should feel, he should be willing to give his life. One’s thirst for life should give way, and he should view the temporary pain associated with giving his life as nothing compared to the knowledge that someone’s dignity will be trampled publicly, as the latter’s pain will be ongoing and long-lived. That is why the word no’ach [literally, comfortable, but in context it is more of an emotional preference], as this is not an operative halacha but is the way one should feel.

We need to understand the extent of the “whitening of the face” which is being discussed, as there are different levels of embarrassment. It is apparently talking about a case where the shame lowers the perceived value of the person who is the subject of the embarrassment forever in the eyes of the public in a manner that he cannot easily escape it. Only then does it justify giving one’s life even on a theoretical basis.

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Who Is Allowed to Build the Plaintiff’s Apartment?(condensed from Shurat Hadin, vol. VII, pp. 135-139)

Case:The plaintiff (=pl) bought (officially, rented long-term) an apartment from a semi-governmental company. The contract states that the transaction does not apply to “the depths that are under the ground” and that the buyer realizes that any natural resources or antiquities found there remain the seller’s. The defendant (=def) bought a store nearby and thereafter began breaking down his wall and digging, including beneath pl’s apartment without pl’s or the seller’s permission. Pl demands that he stop the work and that he not approach the seller to try to buy the area, to which pl would like to obtain rights and build down. He claims that the area underneath his apartment is his except for anything found in it and that, even if not, he is the one whose property is linked to the area, and he should be the one to buy it from the seller if necessary. Def responds that, as an adjoining neighbor, he has the same rights and that removing his right to purchase the area causes the seller a loss, as it removes competition.

Ruling:Def is correct that pl did not buy the rights to the area in question, but they do have a status of a partner in it, not in the classical sense, but in the fact that the area directly under their apartment is reserved for the building use of his apartment. Specifically, if the apartment would fall or serious repairs were needed, pl would have the right to use the area as the foundation of the rebuilding or the place to begin the work (Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat 241:6). The S’ma (175:95) says that in such a case, the owner of the house above has precedence over a bar metzra (regular neighbor), and he has the first right to buy the adjoining area. There might be some grounds to argue, if def had already bought the land, whether pl’s rights allow him to employ the rules of bar metzra and cancel the sale of the other buyer (see S’ma 175:88). However, in this case, where no one has bought the area yet, pl has a clear advantage.

It is true that pl’s official status is as chocher (a long-term renter) of his apartment. However, the Shulchan Aruch (CM 175:51) says that even if one party does not have permanent rights in the land, at the point that he has rights he is considered as a partner who has precedence over a neighbor. Pl has another advantage in that he is owner along with this wife, and there is a concept that a bar metzra cannot push off a woman. While there is significant discussion whether this is true when the woman is married (see Maharit II, 4) and we would not allow the married woman to extract the property from one who already bought it, in this case where it was not yet bought, pl has a further reason for precedence.

A final major advantage that pl has is that even if def already legally obtained the area, he is not allowed to dig there because of the damage he might cause to pl’s apartment (see Shulchan Aruch, CM 214:4). Thus, def does not have authority to connect his store to the area in question, whereas pl who is directly above can do so. Thus, def does not enjoy the status of a bar metzra, who is one who is allowed and able to connect his existing property to the one he desires.

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