Speech at Tunapuna Presbyterian Church on Mothers Day
By Leela Ramdeen 9.5.04
Good morning, friends. It is indeed an honour to have been asked to address you on this special day – Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is the 3rd most celebrated holiday in the world. Only Christmas and Easter are more popular.
On Mother’s Day, Americans exchange 150 million greeting cards, go out to restaurants more than at any other time of year, and buy 10 million bouquets.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you. I include men also as there are some men who, for a variety of reasons, take on the role as mother and father for their children.
While recognising the important role of fathers in a child’s life, I wish to focus today specifically on Mothers. The family is the most important unit of any society, it is the basic cell of society. Human and faith values are formed in the family.
The role of mothers within families is critical to the future of humankind. Motherhood is a precious state ordained by God – it is a gift from God. It is one of the most blessed of vocations. Yet it is not always given the status it deserves.
“The gift of motherhood is often penalised rather than rewarded, even though humanity owes its very survival to this gift.” (Pope John Paul 11) We must restore the art of motherhood to its time-honoured position in society.
We should celebrate Mother’s Day every day but it is still good to have a special day set aside to reflect on God’s gift to us – our Mother. What does your mother mean to you? The Bible tells us to honour our mother and father - part of the 10 Commandments (Ex.20:12). How should we do this? Love them. Just love them and everything else will fall in place.
Today we should say ‘Thank you’ to all mothers. As Pope John Paul II said in his Letter to Women some years ago:
“Thank you, women who are mothers! You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God’s own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child’s first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.”
As we celebrate Mother’s day and affirm motherhood let’s reflect on what motherhood means for our society. I recall the mother who was so fed up with people belittling her role as a mother, that she adopted a title for herself: “Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations”. Although mothers do great things everyday, their labours often receive little reward or praise.
As Christians, we must locate the place of mothers within a biblical context. When God created man and woman, his desire was that they should complement each other and that they should share responsibility for their families. This is far from the reality that faces us today.
Do we recognise and meet the diverse needs of women as mothers? How are mothers faring in families in T&T? On Friday 14th May from 5.00 pm – 8.00 pm at St Mary’s College, POS, my Commission is collaborating with the Archdiocesan Communications Commission and the Family Life Commission to plan a Panel Discussion to mark the UN’s International Day of Families on the theme: “Strengthening T&T’s capacity to support Families.” Keynote speakers are the Most Revd. Edward J. Gilbert, Archbishop of POS and Dr Inyang Ebong-Harstrup, UN Residentl Representative. Everyone is invited - it's free. Ring 622 6680 for details.
Are we strengthening the many different roles of mothers e.g. financial provider, caregiver, nurturer, cook, teacher, coach, chauffeur etc? Employers in the public and private sectors should recognise and plan for the diverse needs of women as mothers.
For example, employers could do more to provide work-place crèches/facilities for early childhood education; better maternity and paternity entitlements; scholarships for mothers to pursue their studies/develop their knowledge, skills and abilities in various areas or to take refresher courses to return to work after having had time off to rear their children; better wages and pension ‘deals’ so that mothers can retire in dignity.
There must be political will and commitment to ensure that our economy is working for our mothers e.g. in the areas of health care, education, housing, employment, social services and so on. More classes to develop the parenting skills of our young people are desperately needed if we are to support family life. How many of us lend a hand to the struggling mothers/fathers in our community or to mothers who are experiencing domestic violence?
Much remains to be done by government and all of us in society to strengthen the role of mothers. There is still a lot of discrimination against women moving up in their chosen careers if they have children – or even in securing employment.
At a late night meeting with politicians in London one of my female colleagues informed them that she had to leave to collect her children from the babysitter. It was after 10.00 pm. After she departed one of the men nudged me and said out loud: “Thank God you don’t have children.” Of course I did not let him get away with that remark.
What he did not know, though, was that with all its ups and downs, having to stay up late at nights if one’s child gets ill, worrying if one’s child will get into a good school, worrying if he/she will journey through life on the right path and so on - in spite of all the challenges of being a mother, the joys far outweigh those challenges and I would have given my right arm to be a mother. I have 14 nephews and nieces and great-nieces and I shower them with love, but somehow, God had other plans for me. Indeed, if I had children of my own I could not devote so much of my time to work voluntarily on so many issues.
You may ask what can someone like me, who has never had a child, know about being a mother. I can assure you that although I have not borne children biologically, I have hundreds of children – those whom I taught – many of whom I still guide and support – and, as I said, my siblings’ children. My point here is that there are many women in this congregation today who may not have had children, or whose children have grown up and moved away and so on. The challenge for us is to reach out to mothers in our communities who are in need and not be selfish.
We live in an era of great selfishness and personal aggrandisement. However, I believe that we cannot be true Christians if we do not build community. The time has come for us to work vigorously in our own communities to support mothers. In my own work with the Catholic Church since my return to TT, I am confronted daily by requests from mothers for assistance – not only financially but spiritually, mentally, psychologically and so on.
My heart bleeds for the mothers who face the brunt of domestic and other forms of violence on a regular basis and who remain isolated because of the nature of this evil.
My heart bleeds for the mother in Sangre Grande who has to withdraw her 9 year old son from his class 2-3 times daily to go for water for her at a stand pipe some half a mile from his home. She had an ectopic pregnancy and nearly died. In her need not a neighbour had time to assist her. As she lay in her bed it was her 9-year-old son who had to come to her aid.
My heart bleeds for our unborn children when I find that there is a group of women in T&T who are being influenced by a wealthy and powerful American group to change our laws on abortion - to make it legal. Those of you who saw the TV programme on which I appeared with a member of that group will know that they do not believe that what grows in a mother’s womb is a human being! What an insult to God's creation.
One of the basic tenets of our Christian faith is that all life is precious – a gift from God. God’s plan is that we should respect, nurture and promote life in all its forms – not crush it. God has imprinted this in our minds but, as we say in TT, we are so own way that we do not do His will. Pope John Paul 11 has written an encyclical entitled: "Evangelium Vitae" - The Gospel of Life. In it he addresses evils of abortion, euthanasia and so on. He urges us to build a culture of life.
It saddens me when I see homeless women, many of whom must have children/relatives somewhere, or when I visit homes for the elderly and discover that some people place their mothers and fathers there and hardly visit them.
As a country we need to develop family friendly economic and social policies to promote development of our women. Mandela gave wise advice to us during his recent visit stating that unless T&T and other countries ensure that there is gender equality within their societies they will never be able to progress.
While women contribute to most areas of economic and social life, including being mothers and ‘home-makers’, often they do not share equally in enjoying the fruits of their labour. Women earn only 10% of the world’s income and own 1% of the world’s property. There are many forces that operate to undermine the role of mothers e.g. poverty, lack of basic amenities, lack of proper health care, unemployment, pornography, human trafficking and so on. We must work together to address these. And remember, children learn what they live. So, do your best to be good role models as mothers and fathers. You face many challenges but with God as your guide you will succeed in meeting these challenges.
I want to share with you now a bit about my own mother. In preparing my speech memories of my dear mother, Ruby, who died of cancer in 1995 in England flooded back. The most difficult thing I have ever had to do was to write and read her eulogy. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.
It is often said that there is no love on earth like a mother’s love. A mother’s love is instinctive, unconditional, unceasing and timeless. Throughout the generations, mothers have been honoured for the very values they symbolise – devotion, care, patience and love.
. My mother was a radiant example of unconditional love, patience, self-sacrifice, generosity, warmth, and dignity. She had an unfailing sense of service and duty to her family. I have wonderful memories of her tenderness, caring, and good cooking. Most of all, she was a woman of faith, quiet strength, wisdom and common sense. If it were not for her I would not be the strong woman I am today. Doubt, despair and fear were not part of her vocabulary.
She had a tremendous sense of humour. For example, some years ago one of my friends asked her how she coped with ‘menopause’. “Pause”, she exclaimed, “in my day we did not have time to ‘pause’ - you just got on with life”.
Her generosity knew no bounds. Once when my parents lived in Shorelands, she discovered a burglar in the house. She confronted him and he began to weep saying that he was hungry. She sat him down and gave him a hot meal. We learned later that after devouring the food, he burgled the neighbour’s house.Our neighbourwas not too pleased to hear that my mother had fed the burglar!
As an MP, my father often shied away from taking her to Parliamentary functions because he hated the way in which members of his own Party almost ignored her because of her ethnicity while members of the ‘other’ Party embraced her. Ma always insisted on attending those events as she was proud of her ethnic heritage.
What a picture she painted in her flowing gowns, stiletto heels, gloves and fanciful hats. I recall how we laughed when she spoke about the response of firms in England as she turned up for interviews ‘dressed to kill’ in her colourful Trini clothes at a time when Britain was very ‘conservative’. She was often told: “Don’t call us, we will call you!” With Pa reading Law at Lincoln’s Inn and working part-time, Ma had to work also to look after their 7 children.
Thank God her father had realised that since his daughter would not listen to his advice about the difficulties of a mixed marriage in the 1940s, she should develop knowledge and skills that would stand her in good stead when the going got tough. She had private tuition in Accounts before she married my father and this helped her to land her first job in England.
Even though my mother worked, I never felt cheated by her absence because she made sure that she spent ‘quality time’ with us when she was at home. She was the epitome of selfless devotion to her family and showered us with her love. I am not ashamed to say that in my thirties my mother was still combing my hair or massaging my foot. I can vouch for the therapeutic benefits of a mother’s touch – particularly after a tiring day at work.
She passed on to her seven children her deep abiding faith, moral and spiritual values. One of her saddest experiences was to watch her youngest son die of cancer. At his funeral she was distraught, as we all were, and kept repeating: “Children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around”.
In the face of life’s adversities she and my father taught us about family solidarity - a vital dimension of family life. I love, respect and admire my mother for all that she accomplished; all that she taught us.
She was a most gracious woman who is still deeply loved and missed. Through the changing scenes of my life she still shines like a beacon, guiding me, urging me on and inspiring me with confidence. I thank God for putting me in the life of such extraordinary parents.
For those of you whose mother is still alive, express your thanks and appreciation to her each day, work on your relationship with her and cherish your time together as our lives are short. If your mother has passed on try to honour her memory and live up to her expectations.
My advice to mothers is to take your role seriously and, most of all, to lead your children into an intimate relationship with God. Abraham Lincoln once said: “No man or woman is poor who has had a godly mother.” I urge all mothers to have a godly influence over your family. Develop your children’s spirituality and be good role models. One of the greatest treasures and blessings I have in my life is that I have been influenced by a godly mother. In a highly secular world, hold on to your faith and to your Christian values. They will guide your family through any storm.