BODY LANGUAGE
In determining the attitude of the speaker, research shows that up to 90 percent of the message is communicated nonverbally.Pay attention to body language,
both theirs and yours.
What is their body saying?
Is it reliable?
What is your body saying to them?
Recognize, however, that nonverbal behavior can be ambiguous. Arms crossed in front of the body may mean that the listener is hostile to the speaker's message or it might just mean that the listener is more comfortable listening with her arms folded.
These days, everyone knows a "little" about body language so watch yours so that you do not inadvertently communicate a negative attitude.
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION FROM THE OTHER SIDE:
SPEAKING BODY LANGUAGE
John L. Barkai
Excerpt from
27 San Diego L. Rev. 101 (1990)
Nonverbal communication has been a major focus of attention for researchers and practitioners in many different fields for over twenty-five years. Lawyers and businesspeople, however, seem just beginning to awaken to what others have long known nonverbal behavior is extremely important in determining the nature of communication and the relationship between the communicators.
Everyone has been informally trained since birth in the process of "sending" and "receiving" nonverbal communication. The popular writers refer to these skills of detecting and interpreting nonverbal behavior as "reading body language."
In most of the legal writing about reading nonverbal behavior the general hypothesis has been that by using an analysis of nonverbal behavior, you may be able to determine whether people you are talking to are receptive to you and your message.
While the focus on reading nonverbal behavior is important, it is, at the same time, incomplete. We must be aware that nonverbal communication is a two-way street. If you can read the nonverbal behavior of other people, those other people can also read your body language.
Nonverbal communication can be used during negotiations, mediations, facilitations, and other meetings.
The central idea presented here is that people can consciously "speak" body language by adopting certain body postures. A large amount of empirical research in the fields of counseling and psychotherapy has demonstrated that the body position of the people can significantly affect the relationship between the people. By speaking body language, you can improve rapport and do better in negotiations.
To "speak body language" you should adopt what has been called either an "attending position" or the "postural echo or mirrored position."
TWO PHYSICAL POSITIONS TO TAKE WHEN YOU WANT TO "SPEAK" BODY LANGUAGE
The SOLER Position:
The easiest to remember description of appropriate nonverbal attending posture is referred to as the SOLER position. SOLER is an acronym for:
1)SQUARELY facing the client,
2) OPEN body position (arms or legs are not crossed),
3) LEAN forward showing attention,
4) EYE contact that is appropriate, and
5) RELAXED body position.
The SOLER posture is a natural, attentive posture that is unrelated to the posture of the client. This posture not only conveys that attitude of openness, but it also puts you in the best possible physical position both to notice important behavior of the other people and to screen out all other distractions. The SOLER posture can be best implemented if the seating is arranged so that there is no desk separating the people.
The Mirrored Position:
The other suggested position is the postural echo or mirrored position. This position depends entirely upon the posture of the other person. You should "echo" the posture of the other person. When two people are in a mirrored position, it is as if there were a mirror between the two. This postural echo is often seen in everyday life and has been the basis of considerable experimental research. The theory behind this technique is that people who are in rapport or who share a common opinion often assume mirrored body positions. Knowing that fact, by taking a mirrored position, agreement can be communicated nonverbally.
Copy their body posture so it looks as if there is a mirror between you. However, do not mirror hand and arm movements or make rapid changes in your position.