NovemBEARD
Countdown to Beardliness
Submitted by Mike Talbot, Community Advisor, University of Minnesota
With resources from www.beards.org
Why Grow a Beard?
Reasons:
(as if you need them)
1. Why Not?
2. Chicks Dig Beards
It's long been known to science that chicks dig sweet beards. In fact, as a man sporting a sweet beard, you are three million percent* more likely to get a girl than someone sporting a beardless boy face.
3. Wind Resistant
Let's make one thing perfectly clear: wind is a killer*. It strips us of our very body heat, numbing to the core that which we may hold most precious, our faces.
Phrases such as "the wind literally killed my children" and "house brutally burgled by cold front," aren't just crazy things the elderly say to get attention.
Yet phrases such as "wind in your hair," or "sweet beard blowing in the wind" have noticeably more positive connotations. This is not a coincidence.
4. Flavor Saving
Rarely in today's fast paced modern life do we get the opportunity to sit down and truly enjoy a meal. With a sweet beard and simple disregard for vigorous cleanup after eating, flavors can be appreciated hours after initial consumption.
5. Shaving Sucks
Shaving is hard work, time-consuming, and it’s the norm. Besides, man was not designed to wipe sharp objects over his face on a daily basis. By avoiding the razor, not only will a sweet beard naturally flourish, but you will live a longer and happier life, guaranteed*.
6. Masks Grotesque Scarring
Got grotesque scarring from 'nam? Who doesn't, am I right? Not to worry with a sweet beard. No shrapnel wounds here, just smooth satisfying hair emanating from all in-tact follicles. Plus, beards save kittens*.
7. Instant Recognition of Manhood
"Compensation" is such a dirty word. "Breathtaking, amazing, stunning, thrilling, and banana" are others. Sweet beards deliver where other products simply can't*. On time, under budget, above the limit, below the line, and around the fence, beards bring our troops home safely*.
* All facts are approximations and/or blatant fabrications, but seriously, grow a beard.
It’s as Easy
as 1, 2, 3!
1. Commit to growing a beard
Growing a beard requires a commitment. The experience can even be a test of character as well as a surprising process of self-discovery. Do you have what it takes? It may require a bit of courage to take the decision to grow a beard.
One second thought and a would-be beard disappears.
When you see a man with a full-grown beard, you know he made the decision to be bearded and he had the determination to stick with it.
Whether or not you should grow a beard depends in large part on genetics. Beard growth is genetically determined and there is not much anyone can do other than to accept what they've been given. Just give it a try! You may be so pleased with the results, even unexpectedly so, that you decide to keep the beard permanently.
Most importantly, the only opinion that really matters is yours. So, go for it! If you like it, keep it. If not, then shave it off. At the very least you'll know what it was like to grow your beard.
Make a commitment to grow your beard and stick with it. This is most important!
2. Stop shaving and start growing
Don't be overly concerned about other people's potential reactions to your new beard. If you have a decent beard, most people will probably react favorably, possibly much more favorably than you would have ever anticipated. Don’t be self-conscious. Relax and enjoy the experience.
Do not shave at all for at least the first four weeks of growth.
When starting to let your beard grow, just stop shaving -- completely. One of the most common errors is to attempt to start shaping or sculpting the beard too early. Even if you are just planning to grow a goatee, you should let everything grow for the first four weeks. You can always trim it down to a smaller size later.
Don't let itching deter you! If you experience itching, keep your skin clean by daily shampooing and optionally using a conditioner.
Don't give up! Commit to not shaving before the month is up. When you've reached Decembeard, then you can decide whether you want to continue with the beard or get rid of it. If you’re up to it, set a longer target date for a real test of commitment.
3. Maintain your beard
Invest in a beard trimmer and learn how to use it.
Usually you should shampoo your beard with the same shampoo you already use for your head. Some may prefer to wash their beards with soap instead. You could try out soap and shampoo to see which you like best.
Pat your beard gently dry with a towel. Blow drying is not usually necessary and is probably not recommended anyway.
After four weeks, you can start shaping the beard.
Usually, you'll want to define a "neck line" along the bottom of your beard around the neck. Generally the "cheek line", the upper limit of the beard on the cheeks, is best left natural. Some men butcher otherwise excellent beards by shaving the cheeks into strange shapes.
If you choose to get rid of your new beard, the easiest way to dispose of it is to use a beard trimmer or other hair clippers. Use the trimmer or clippers to trim away as much hair as possible. Follow that with a regular shave. Be extra careful.