Becoming "One" in Mind and Heart 755
Intr1)Reading: Genesis 2:18-24
a)Eve was angry at Adam one evening –
suggesting that he had been seeing another woman
b)"How could I do that? You're the only woman on earth"
c)That night – Adam woke up to the sensation of being tickled
d)"Eve – what are you doing?"
"I'm taking an inventory of your ribs."
2)Our lesson today is about "Intimacy".
a)Marriage is about "Intimacy".
b)If the level of intimacy is low, or nonexistent, the marriage fails
c)Genesis 2:24 says, "they shall become one flesh"
That expression is about intimacy.
3)This verse is helpful in explaining this ... but it also contributes
toward a faulty definition of "Intimacy"
a)We think of "Intimacy" as being a sexual thing.
(they became one flesh – were naked and not ashamed)
b)Sexuality usually involves intimacy . . . but . . .
… two people CANhave an intimate relationship
without it being sexual
4)The word "Intimate" literally means:
"marked by a warm friendship developed through long association;
a very close association, contact, or familiarity."
a)I have experienced intimate relationships with many people –
both men and women – which were not sexual in nature.
b)We worked closely together.
We knew each other's philosophies, thoughts, actions.
We became a unit – functioning as one.
c)Our relationship was an "Intimate" one.
d)This is what God desires our relationship with Him to be.
I.Let's Consider Four Types of "Intimacy" We Share in Marriage:
A.Emotional Intimacy
1.Relating together at the level of feelings and dreams.
a.This is usually the type of intimacy most craved by women
b.Wives are usually curious about what you're thinking/feeling
2.Men struggle with emotional intimacy
a.It means becoming one in thoughts and dreams.
b.That takes working at communication skills (hard for men)
c.However … I believe Christian men rise to a higher level of
communication than men who are not Christians.
3.Many men never rise above the …
"Grunt Level" (the lowest form of communication)
"Cliché Level"
"Fact / Information Level""Personal Information Level"
"Idea / Judgment Level""Personal Feelings Level"
4.The degree to which you become one flesh
is greatly determined by your level of emotional intimacy.
B.Social Intimacy
1.When you simply enjoy being together.
2.When you have the same interests & like the same activities
3.When you do things together, you become one
throughclose association and mutual activities.
4.Social intimacy without emotional intimacy does not
astrong marriage make (and vice versa).
5.But communicatingfeelings and dreams while you
enjoybeing together and enjoy doing things together
is a powerful combination toward a strong marriage
6.Now then . . . add to that . . .
C.Intellectual Intimacy
1.Respecting and appreciating each other's ideas.
2.You know each other's views on matters of importance.
3.You have spent much time debating various issues
and cometo appreciate each other's intelligence.
4.How would you rate this type of intimacy with the others?
a.Is one any more important than the others in developing
the one flesh ideal?
b.Are theyall interrelated in some way?
c.Does this list help you know what to work on in your
marriage or what to look for in a spouse one day?
D.Spiritual Intimacy
1.Sharing a close association and familiarity with God
2.Spiritual intimacy is the most personal and valuable
commodity in any person'sprivate life.
a.To share that fiber of one's inner being is precious.
b.To miss this facet of intimacy is devastating to marriage
3.Religiously mixed marriages failfar more often than if united
a.How miserable it is to live a lifetime with someone who
doesn't share with you your most importantbelief
b.The level of "oneness" is drastically decreased when
spiritual intimacy is lacking in a home.
4.All of these types of intimacy are important to "oneness".
II.The Enemy of Intimacy Lives in Your Mind and in Your Heart
A.Inner communication is often more destructive than outer
1.Critical thoughts"harbored"… lead to ...
2.Contemptuous thoughts"considered" ... which are ...
3.Sensed by a defensive spouse ... and then both resort to ...
4.Stonewalling techniques and the withdrawal of intimacy.
B.How important are our innermost thoughts?
1.Prov 23:7 "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
2.II Cor 10:5 "Take every thought captive
to the obedience of Christ."
3.I Pet 1:13 "Gird your minds for action,
keep sober in spirit, fix your hope."
C.Critical thoughts must be resolvedorconfessed.
"We have a problem."
III.Becoming One Flesh is a Matter of Mind and Heart (as well as body)
A.You have got to spend time together to nurture intimacy.
1.Don't neglect to go on dates to secluded, cozy places
2.Spend a lot of time doing things together and talking together
B.Guard the content of your conversations:
1.Talking about negative things is easier than positive.
2.Talking about people is easier than talking about ideas.
3.Talking about ideas is easier than talking about dreams.
4.Talking about dreams is easier than talking about feelings.
5.We waste too much time discussing meaningless dribble
instead of merging our lives together in positive exchange
C.Keep your eyes on some mentoring couple to watch and quiz.
1."I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day."
2.God knew that discipleship was the best means of education
D.Keep a positive attitude about God's Refining Process:
1.God is molding and growing us through every stage of life
(infancy – childhood – school days – vocation –
as well as marriage – child raising – twilight years)
2.Marriage is a refining process – designed by God –
to help us grow into the image of Christ
a.In marriage we hone our hearts, mindsspirits.
b. Spouses are of great value to each other in this endeavor
Conclusion:
1)However … we have to KNOW each other in order to LOVE each other
2)We have been talking about "Intimacy"
3)We have discussed Four Types of Intimacy in Marriage:
a)Emotional Intimacy
b)Social Intimacy
c)Intellectual Intimacy
d)Spiritual Intimacy
4)While searching for a mate – consider these as important criteria
5)After you're married – devote great energy to strengthen and grow them
6)It will not be a waste of time