Chapter 2. The Wisdom of Bibi Jan

Meaning and purpose of story: This story is about two problems caused by fear. Fear is a pervasive emotion in families affected by war, injury, death, displacement, prejudice and poverty. The first problem concerns Abdullah’s friend who is acting oddly and Abdullah does not know what to do. The second problem involves Jameela. Jameela is having nightmares and she is afraid to go to sleep. Bibi Jan offers very helpful ideas about how to cope with fear for oneself and for others. Bibi Jan gives loving words and hugs to comfort Jameela when she is frightened.

The purpose of the story is to illustrate kindness (Abdullah tells lonely Jameela about his day), the value of seeking comfort and advice from an elder, and strategies to cope with fear. The importance of friendship and emotional support to friends is also modeled. Students will learn that fearfulness is a normal response to frightening events.

Peer Peace Monitors and Peace Rooms are introduced in this chapter.

Primary School Learning Objectives
1. / Learning the value of being a good friend when difficult events are happening in their lives
2. / Learning to share thoughts and feelings with someone that you trust
3. / Learning about fear: what causes fear and how to cope with fear.
Primary School Activities
Classroom / 1. Create opportunities for children to help each other in the classroom. For example, students who are more skilled in one subject might help another student not so accomplished (learning friends). Students who have mobility limitations can be assisted by other students. Teachers should recognize and appreciate the helpful efforts of the students. Ask children to talk about what qualities they like in a friend. Ask if they have those qualities. Keep the list on the blackboard.
2. Children in the story have many difficulties; Jameela is not able to go to school, Abdullah is overworked, Abdullah’s friend is fearful but afraid to say so to his friend, Jameela has fears and nightmares causing her to have trouble going to sleep. Ask the children to find in the story all of the helpful and healing ideas that Bibi Jan and Kaka Ghullam offer (see Healing Strategies). Ask the children to think about one or two people to whom they could take their problems. Parents, older siblings, grandparents are likely to be identified. Teachers might be identified as people that the children trust. This trust is very important. It will help the children feel safe and secure in coming to school. This will allow them to learn much more effectively.
3. Ask the children to list things of which they are a little bit afraid. Have the children draw the feared objects and then change the drawing so that the feared object is now silly and funny. Now ask the children to draw a bad dream with lots of detail. Then when they have finished, ask them to tear up the drawing into very little pieces and throw the pieces away. If the children still feel afraid of that dream, have them repeat the exercise. Ask them to do this until the dream has no more fearfulness for them. Ask the children to draw a comforting picture (a favourite person, place, memory). Ask the children to keep this drawing and look at it whenever they get frightened.
Schoolyard / 1. Ask the children to be kind and helpful to other students. Teachers need to notice kindness and helpfulness and appreciate and recognize the children being kind and helpful. Teachers can role model kindness and helpfulness so the children can emulate this.
2. Play this game in a large space. Have all the children spread out evenly through the large space. Ask the children to count off 1, 2. Now the game is played silently. Have all of the “1”s pick out the nearest “2”. Have all of the “2”s stand behind the “1”s and place their hands on their partner’s shoulders. As the child in front walks slowly around, the child behind steers the partner by gently turning the partner’s shoulders. The child behind needs to make sure that they don’t run into anyone. After a few successful minutes, have the partners switch around, now “1” is steering “2”. Again, after a few successful minutes have them switch again, this time, have the child in front close his or her eyes, if she can. After a few minutes have the partners switch again so now “1” is steering “2” with his or her eyes shut. This game helps build trust.
3. Have the children draw scary dreams or events in the dirt with sticks just as Jameela does in the story. Have the children erase the drawings. Keep drawing scary things until the children are all having fun with drawing and erasing. Then have the children draw a smaller happy drawing and put small pebbles in the lines. Ask them to be very careful of other children’s drawings.
At home / 1. Ask the children to think about the friends they have at home. Is any friend unhappy or scared? What could each student do to help a friend who is suffering? Ask the class to make a list of helpful ideas and write it on the blackboard.
2. Ask the children to talk to someone they trust about their frightening dreams or other fears. Later, in class, ask the children how this experience was for them. It might be necessary to talk about what children should do if there is no one that they trust. It might also be necessary to talk about some children not feeling supported at home when they talk about their fears. Children might then pretend that Bibi Jan is their grandmother or auntie and talk to her.
3. Jameela was having many nightmares. Bibi Jan suggested a very good way to help take the scariness out of nightmares. Ask the children to tell the story about Jameela and Bibi Jan to their family at home. If possible, allow the children to have paper to take home to draw their dreams. Ask the children to draw and tear up their frightening dreams as soon as they wake up. Ask the children to place the drawing that the made of their safe place or happy memory near them when they go to sleep. Have the children look at and think about their safe place or happy memory drawing as they are going to sleep.
Community / 1. Students can learn to see each other safely to and from school. Walking together in groups can help those students who are fearful feel safer.
2. Ask the children about people they trust in their community. Discuss whom to trust and who is someone not familiar so that the child has not had an opportunity to determine if he or she is trustworthy. There are usually four levels of trust. Persons who are:
·  Individuals known and familiar and have proven to be kind, caring and thoughtful will have your trust (often family and friends).
·  Individuals who are familiar but have not proven kindness and caring. These people are possibly going to be trusted when they have demonstrated kindness and caring (acquaintances).
·  Individuals who are unfamiliar, but not necessarily untrustworthy (strangers).
·  Individuals who have proven to be untrustworthy by their actions and words.
As a teacher, you will be most effective if you are in the first category.
3. Ask the children to identify places of safety in their community. Talk about what they would do if something frightening happened to them while they were going to or from school. Talk about what those scary things might be: a bully, a storm, getting hurt. Come up with lots of ideas.
Middle School Learning Objectives
1. / Learning the value of helping friends when they are suffering, when difficult events are happening in their lives
2. / Learning to share thoughts and feelings with someone that you trust
3. / Learning about fear: what causes fear and how to cope with fear.
Middle School Activities
Classroom / 1. Ask the students to gather in groups of four. Ask them to talk about Abdullah’s problem with his friend. What did Abdullah notice about his friend? What did he think he should do? What did Bibi Jan suggest for him to do? Do the students have any similar experiences with friends? What did the students do to help their friends feel better? What more might the students do in the future?
2. Jameela feels better after she has talked with her grandmother about her fears. She has learned to trust that her Grandmother will help her and offer her kindness and comfort. Ask the class if to raise their hands if they have trouble going to sleep. Ask how many have nightmares. Talk as a group about all the ways Bibi Jan helps Jameela feel better. Ask the students to talk about who is a trusted person in their lives. Teachers might be identified as people that the children trust. This trust is very important. It will help the students feel safe and secure in coming to school. This will allow them to learn much more effectively.
3. Ask the students to list things of which they are a little bit afraid. Have the students draw the feared objects and then change the drawing so that the feared object is now silly and funny. Now ask the students to draw a bad dream with lots of detail. Then when they have finished, ask them to tear up the drawing into very little pieces and throw the pieces away. If the students still feel afraid of that dream, have them repeat the exercise. Ask them to do this until the dream has no more fearfulness for them. Ask the students to draw a comforting picture (a favourite person, place, memory). Ask the them to keep this drawing and look at it whenever they get frightened.
Schoolyard / 1. Ask the students to be the type of friend that Bibi Jan suggests to Abdullah. Too often, we leave our friends alone if they seem sad or withdrawn. That is just when they might need a friend the most. Teachers can notice this type of caring behaviour in the schoolyard. It would be very helpful if the teachers could say a few words of praise and recognition to the students demonstrating caring friendship.
2. Here’s a game to play in the schoolyard. Have all of the students stand as far apart as possible. This game is played silently. Have them walk slowly around the space. When they meet someone’s eyes, they approach each other until one puts up a hand to indicate “that is close enough”. They stop, greet each other with a smile and then carry on looking for another person to greet. After a few minutes, have the children stop. Ask them to now pay attention to how close or how far away the comfortable distance is. Does it vary with different people? Are friends allowed closer? Do you feel greater distance is needed with students who are unfamiliar? It is wonderful if teachers can play these games along with the children. The distance might be different for students with the teacher. When in the classroom, ask the students about their experience of the game. Do we let people we trust in closer? Does it make us feel uncomfortable to be too close?
3. Talk about what might be frightening for the students when they are in the schoolyard or going to and from school with other students. Are there any students who feel that other students are unkind to them, frighten, or hurt them. Teachers might consider creating a program to increase safety. Peer Peace Monitors are one possible solution... PPMs would be selected by the teacher from a group of volunteers. PPMs could comprise 20-30 % of the class. PPMs should be rotated every two or three weeks. This gives many children in the class a chance to have this opportunity. Fearful children could then stay in closer proximity to the Peer Peace Monitors. The Peer Peace Monitors could support the fearful students. PPMs should seek assistance from teachers if physical or verbal conflicts arise. PPMs would also assist any student who is ill or injured by taking him or her to a teacher. Further skills will be learned through subsequent stories.
At home / 1. Ask the children to think about the friends they have at home. Is any friend unhappy or scared? What could each student do to help a friend who is suffering? Ask the class to make a list of helpful ideas and write it on the blackboard.
2. Ask the children to talk to someone they trust about their frightening dreams or other fears. Later, in class, ask the children how this experience was for them. It might be necessary to talk about what children should do if there is no one that they trust. It might also be necessary to talk about some children not feeling supported at home when they talk about their fears. Children might then pretend that Bibi Jan is their grandmother or auntie and talk to her.
3. Jameela was having many nightmares. Bibi Jan suggested a very good way to help take the scariness out of nightmares. Ask the children to tell the story about Jameela and Bibi Jan to their family at home. If possible, allow the children to have paper to take home to draw their dreams. Ask the children to draw and tear up their frightening dreams as soon as they wake up. Ask the children to place the drawing that the made of their safe place or happy memory near them when they go to sleep. Have the children look at and think about their safe place or happy memory drawing as they are going to sleep.
Community / 1. Students can learn to see each other safely to and from school. Walking together in groups can help those students who are fearful feel safer.
2. Ask the children about people they trust in their community. Discuss who to trust and who is unfamiliar but not had an opportunity to prove if he or she is trustworthy. There are usually four levels of trust. Persons who are
·  Individuals known and familiar and have proven to be kind, caring and thoughtful will have your trust (often family and friends).
·  Individuals who are familiar but have not proven kindness and caring. These people are possibly going to be trusted when they have demonstrated kindness and caring (acquaintances).
·  Individuals who are unfamiliar, but not necessarily untrustworthy (strangers).
·  Individuals who have proven to be untrustworthy by their actions and words.