Deceased in directory
I recently got a call from my alma mater saying they wanted to update my information in their directory. Then they asked for money.
I think the update part was a ruse to get me talking long enough to ask for a donation. Just asking for money would be a tough cold call.
Her: Hi, I'm Jessica from the university, will you send us money?
Me: No.
Click.
Their "updating" cover was blown because she had only two questions to ask. Even for me, that's a stunningly short bio.
Item one was to confirm my current address, all the better to make sure I receive their by-mail solicitations for money.
Their second and last question was to confirm I still worked at Bisson's. Bisson's? Wow, that's a name from the past. Well, no. That was a job I had in college, more than thirty-five years ago. In fact Bisson's has been out of business for decades, longer I suspect, than Jessica has been alive.
This cold call comes on the heels of another alma-mater-doesn't-matter incident, one that Jessica did not know about.
I recently learned that the alumni directory has me listed as deceased. Really. A few calls to the college got that squared away and now everyone's agreed that the directory entry is incorrect. Too bad I didn't use that mistake to get off the grid, or at least off the IRS grid.
I'm staying deceased for awhile I understand, as the directory is not going to be updated anytime soon. An alumni staffer sent me a nice note apologizing for the error. I give her a lot of credit. That's a tough note to write.
Dear Alumni:
Sorry we listed you as dead.
Have a nice day!
Sincerely, Your alma mater.
I wonder if that's in her job description:
Admin officer: Inveigle, beg, twist arms to obtain maximum alumni donations; liaison with corporate donors; write sincere deceased- error letters, when appropriate.
It's no big deal. I'm confidant no one would have even noticed the mistake. Except, that is, unless I got into politics; then it would be a phony scandal, a "real" skeleton in the metaphorical closet.
How can you be on the ballot if you're deceased? Well, it's a simple mistake in the directory.
When did you become deceased?
I'm not...
And when did you first know it? Huh?
Answer the question please.
Hey, it's a mistake, someone just screwed up.
I just placed an order today to have a gift shipped to somebody. After getting my name and looking up my file on her computer, the operator asked if all the information on file about me was correct. Well, that depends. What do your records show?
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Paul N. Herbert is the author of "The Jefferson Hotel: The History of a Richmond Landmark", "Elinor Fry: A Legacy of Dance in Richmond", and "God Knows All Your Names: Obscure Stories of American History." He can be contacted at: .