#122:
When to Say YES! to Everything (and When to Say No)
October 26, 2015
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Introduction
● New opportunities are always great, right?
● Well . . . not quite.
● This week I discuss when taking on new challenges is the right call and when it’s just not.
● This is The 5 am Miracle - Episode #122: When to Say YES! to Everything (and When to Say No)
[Intro Song]
● Good morning and welcome to the 122nd episode of The 5 AM Miracle.
● I am Jeff Sanders and this is THE podcast dedicated to dominating your day before breakfast.
● Every Monday morning my goal is to help you bounce out of bed with enthusiasm, create powerful lifelong habits, and tackle your grandest goals with extraordinary energy.
● Here on The 5 AM Miracle Podcast we discuss early mornings, but we also dive much deeper into topics like healthy habits, personal development, and rockin’ productivity!
● This week I discuss how you can decipher which season of life you are in right now.
● You may be in the season of yes when every new opportunity is up for grabs.
● However, more likely than not, you are in the season of no, when everything could be great, but it’s not the right decision today.
● We’ll break down what to do regardless of where you fall on the yes/no spectrum.
● But first, if you have been looking for a way to connect with other ambitious early risers, I think you would love The 5 AM Miracle Community group on Facebook.
● This community group is unique because everyone is highly motivated to help everyone else achieve their goals.
● Don’t worry, you don’t have to wake up at sunrise to join this group.
● Just visit JeffSanders.com/community and I will approve your request to join within 24 hours.
● Once again, that’s JeffSanders.com/community.
● Now, let’s begin with the Tip of the Week!
[Fade Music Up and Out]
● This week’s Tip is this life lesson: Having a lot of fun makes scary situations so much easier.
● Speaking @ HopePark Church
● 1,000 people in the audience.
● 1st service:
○ a little scared and timid
○ Did an okay job
● 2nd service:
○ Dancing to music
○ Having fun
○ Did a great job
● Lesson learned: having fun makes scary situations so much easier.
● Whenever you are facing a challenging situation, something hard, scary, or new, smile and enjoy yourself.
● The more fun you can have, the bigger the smile on your face, the more authentic and relaxed you can be in the moment, the better the experience will be.
[World Music Interlude]
● Now let’s dive into the feature segment, when to say Yes! to everything and when to say no.
● Originally, I had planned to call this episode “The Abundance of Quantity vs. The Joy of Simplicity.”
● And, that’s what this discussion is all about.
● Both saying yes (or increasing quantity) and saying no (having less through simplicity) can bring about positive changes in your life.
● BUT . . .
● You need to know which of these scenarios applies to your life right now.
● It’s not always a good idea to be on one side or the other forever.
● There is a harmony to experiencing both quantity and simplicity, just not necessarily both at the same time, or at the exclusion of one or the other.
When to Say Yes
● Story: First day of College
○ Ice Cream Social
○ First fraternity party
○ First friends in a new city
○ First classes in a new school
○ First time to explore life on my own
● I said yes to every opportunity that popped up.
● I said yes to anyone who invited me anywhere.
● I had no filter and no reason to turn anyone down.
● I said yes over and over and over again.
● The result?
● I learned a lot, made of lot of mistakes, hung out with a lot of weird people, experienced many new things, and, ultimately, found my core group of friends in a matter of a few weeks.
● Saying yes made the first few months of college the most scary time of my life, but also the most exhilarating.
● There was no other time in my life where I was that on my own and that willing to say yes to anything that came my way.
● When to Say Yes
○ 1. When you have nothing planned.
○ 2. When someone else offers to bring you along to try something new to you.
○ 3. When you are curious, inquisitive, and excited about where you are.
○ 4. When you want to connect, learn, grow, and explore a new direction in your life.
○ 5. When you feel like there is something missing in your life that could be helped out by joining forces with others and starting something new.
● Saying yes is all about exploration.
● I say yes all the time because I view myself as an explorer.
● There is a great quote from the late John Goddard, who was widely accepted as one of the world’s greatest goal setters.
● I love this quote so much that I have used it in both of my books and I believe I have quoted it before on this podcast.
○ “From early childhood I had always dreamed of becoming an explorer.
○ Somehow I had acquired the impression that an explorer was someone who lived in the jungle with natives and lots of wild animals, and I couldn’t imagine anything better than that!
○ Unlike other little boys, most of whom changed their minds about what they wanted to be several times as they grew older,
○ I never wavered from this ambition.”
● John believed he was an explorer, and so he took off on new adventures all throughout his life.
● Because he perceived himself as someone who wanted to see the world, that’s what he did.
● In his lifetime John . . .
○ Explored the Nile, Amazon, and Congo Rivers.
○ Climbed 15 of the world’s tallest mountains.
○ Studied 12 ancient civilizations
○ Photographed 6 of the world’s grandest waterfalls
○ And completed a wide range of unique and fun goals like . .
■ Landed on and took off from an aircraft carrier
■ Flew in a blimp, balloon, and glider
■ Rode an elephant, camel, ostrich, and bronco
■ Taught himself the flute and violin
■ Learned French, Spanish, and Arabic
■ and the list goes on . .
● John was a Yes Man to the highest degree.
● He was committed to not only pursuing opportunities but also to saying yes whenever anything new crossed his path.
● Now, you don’t have to literally travel the world climbing mountains and riding elephants in order to experience the fullness of life, but what if you did?
● What if you said yes more often?
● What if you opened yourself up to new opportunities?
● What if instead of doing what you always do on a Friday night, or Tuesday morning, instead you changed your life and made something magical happen?
● Saying yes is really all about committing to something very tiny today that can grow to something much bigger tomorrow.
● So, if you are in a Yes! Season right now, I challenge you to do more.
● Identify something proactive you can do today to push yourself towards a bigger life.
● And maybe it will include an elephant ride or two.
When to Say No
● Story: My wife in the last semester of her doctoral program.
○ Working 60+ hours per week at her job
○ Taking 3 classes
○ Finishing her 150-page dissertation
○ She’s unbelievably busy
● She is saying no to just about every opportunity that pops up.
● She is saying no invitations for new events.
● She has clear reasons to turn down others and prioritize her time.
● She is saying no over and over and over again.
● The result?
● She is getting a lot done, doing the right work each and every day, and, ultimately, ignoring things that can and should wait until later.
● Saying no is hard in the moment and I know she would love to start saying yes, but we both know it’s best for her to wait until this season is over.
● On that note, I did drag her to a farm last weekend for a few hours to play games and run through a corn maze, so I think her sanity is still in tact.
● When to Say No
○ 1. When you have everything planned to the gills.
○ 2. When someone else offers for you to do something new that does not align with your current highest priorities.
○ 3. When you are confident about exactly where you are and what must be done.
○ 4. When you want to push forward, accelerate your progress, and see real achievement in a specific direction in your life.
○ 5. When you feel like there is something necessary that could needs your full attention for an extended period of time.
● Saying no is all about focus.
● I say no all the time when I view my life as getting out of control.
● In episode #53, The Most Important Skill in the 21st Century, I talk all about focus and clarity around your must-do commitments, as opposed to the optional projects that could pull us away from our destination.
● In episode #88, Fewer Goals and Better Results with a 12-Week Year, I talk all about pursuing less in order to get more done.
● This is exactly what you should be doing in No season.
● Having fewer goals and focusing all of your energy on those few priorities is the name of the game.
● That’s where progress shows up and that’s where the bucket list goals of life are achieved.
The Hybrid Model: Saying Yes & No
● Sometimes saying yes AND no is the right answer.
● I would argue that I’m in this phase right now.
● Prior to this hybrid phase I was clearly in a NO phase.
● I was super focused on cleaning up my website and making many technical changes.
● I knew that in order to complete my many highly-important and complicated projects I would not be able to say yes to anything.
● But, as soon as those projects finished up I entered book mode.
● Over the course of the next few months I will be doing everything I can to promote and sell my book.
● The first half of my plan consists of finishing the projects I have already scheduled, which means I am in NO mode on that front.
● The second half of my plan consists of agreeing to do anything new, fun, and exciting that will help the book sell better, which means I am in YES mode on that front.
● Being in a hybrid mode is likely to be the most stressful of them all.
● It’s the most stressful because every day is up for grabs.
● On the one hand I have a plan and projects to complete
● On the other I want to be available for any interviews, TV shows, or joint-ventures that pop up.
● I have already had all 3 of these things show up in my just the last few weeks, so I can only expect more of these as the book launch gets closer.
● A hybrid model of both yes AND no is complicated, and, honestly, that’s likely where many people are today.
● We have our projects, schedules, and commitments, and we say we are super busy.
● But, if anything really fun comes along, like a fun party on Saturday night, or a spur-of-the-moment 3-day vacation in the mountains, we all of a sudden have plenty of time.
● That’s the joy of spontaneity and really some of the best parts of life.
● It’s unlikely that you will be in a YES season for too long because at some point you will have made a few formal commitments with your limited 168 hours per week.
● It’s also unlikely that you can survive in a NO season for too long without losing all of your friends and business opportunities because you dug your head in the sand for too many years.
● What is most likely is that you will swing back and forth between these two seasons and spend most of your time in a hybrid season.
● You will have your commitments and plans along with your desire for new fun and adventure.
● At the end of the day, which season of life you are in is entirely up to you.
● It’s highly subjective and I cannot tell you which one is going to bring your more success, happiness, or fulfillment.
● However, having the self-awareness about exactly where you are and where you want to go is incredibly empowering and it can easily give you the tools you need to make the right decisions each and every day.
Action Steps:
● #1 Have as much fun as you can.
○ Whenever you are facing a challenging situation, something hard, scary, or new, simply smile and enjoy yourself.
○ The more fun you can have, the bigger the smile on your face, the more authentic and relaxed you can be in the moment, the better the experience will be.
● #2 If you are in a Season of YES!, it’s time to invite more opportunities into your life.