Education 173: The Psychology of Love-Educating for Close Relationships
Fall 2015 Tuesday and Friday, 12:30-1:50
Instructor
Prof. Joseph Reimer
Office: ASAC 216 Phone: 6-2996
Office Hours: Friday 11-12 and by appointment
Email:
Course Overview:
We are born for close relationships. Infants cannot survive without at least one close relationship with a nurturing caretaker. Yet the quality of those relationships varies greatly with consequences for how a growing person will sustain loving relationship. As a society we have a great stake in the capacities of our fellow citizens to sustain-in a time of enormous changes- caring and loving relationships with their friends, lovers and children.
But there have long been profound philosophic differences about what constitutes a loving relationship. In recent decades social scientists have joined this debate. We will be reviewing some of that literature, particularly in developmental and social psychology, to better understand how the empirical study of how people think, feel and behave in close relationships can help us understand the dynamics of close relationships. We will consult as well with philosophers, anthropologists and fiction writers for their insights into the nature of these close relationships within specific socio-cultural contexts and between people of varied sexual orientations.
We will also ask educational questions. Following the lead of psychologists Barbara Fredrickson and Jon Gottman, we will ask how can we educate ourselves to become more aware of what it takes to sustain close relationships. How can we learn about the socio-emotional skills needed to sustain the close relationships we establish? At a time when so much is changing in close relationships, what in our era will define a loving relationship?
Learning Goals for this Course
1. Students will learn why it is difficult to define “a loving relationship” and how philosophers and psychologists can help us to do so.
2. Students will come to appreciate the significant role that early relationships with our parents/caretakers play in shaping how we will form and sustain other loving relationships.
3. Students will understand the developmental significance of childhood friendships and how educators can help facilitate their development.
4. Students will come to realize how deeply the culture we live in shapes our thoughts and feelings about our intimate others and those relationships.
5. Students will learn to identify the developmental moves from attraction to courtship to intimacy and commitment and how the accompanying cultural scripts influence how we understand close relationships.
6. Students will consider what psychologists have learned about sustaining intimate relationship in our times and why so many relationships fall apart.
7. Students will learn to identify the interpersonal skills that psychologists have highlighted as essential for sustaining intimate relationships.
8. Students will consider how we can educate ourselves to become more aware of and skilled in the interpersonal skills that help sustain close relationships.
Course Outline for Education 173
8/28/15 Session 1: Starting the Conversation
9/1 Session 2: Classical Philosophies of Love
a) Sharon Kaye (2012) What philosophy can tell you about your lover. New York: Carrus Publishing, chapters 8 & 14.
b) “The Book of Ruth” from The New English Bible
9/4 Session 3: Our First Case Study
Ian McEwan (2007) On Chesil Beach. London: Vintage. (the whole novel)
9/8 Session 4: Our Second Case Study
Sarah Waters (2006) The Night Watch. New York: Riverhead Books.
(Parts 3&4, pp. 274-295, 320-339, 356-389)
9/11 Session 5: The Art of Loving
E. Fromm, The Art of Loving (parts 1&2).
Education 173 Fall, 2015
9/18 Session 6: Evolutionary Perspectives on Love and Sexuality
a) D.T. Kendrick (2006) “A Dynamical Evolutionary View of Love” In,
R.J. Sternberg and K. Weiss, The New Psychology of Love, Chapter 2.
b) S. Pinker (1997) How the Mind Works. New York: Norton, pp. 460-498.
9/22 Session 7: First Loves: Attachment between Child and Caretaker
a) D. Blum, (2011) Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the science of affection. New York: Basic Books, pp. 102-112, 143-170.
b) J.F. Leckman, et al. (2006) “A Biobehavioral Model of Attachment and Bonding” In, The New Psychology of Love, chapter 6.
9/25 Session 8: Attachment and Romantic Relationships
a) J. Bowlby (1979) “The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds”
b) C. Hazan and P. Shaver, (1987) “Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511-524.
10/2 Session 9: Learning to Make Friends as a Child
a) Z. Rubin, (1980) Children’s Friendships Cambridge: Harvard University Press, chapters 3&4.
b) D. Hrushka, (2010) Friendship: Development, Ecology and Evolution of a Relationship. Berkeley: University of California Press, chapter 5.
10/6 Session 10: Loneliness and Friendship
a) J.T. Cacioppo and B. Patrick (2008) Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. New York: Norton, pp. 3-34
b) D. Goleman (2005) Emotional Intelligence. New York; Bantam Books, chapter 15: “The Cost of Emotional Illiteracy.”
Education 173 Fall, 2015
10/9 Session 11: Attraction in Contemporary Western Culture
a) B. Fredrickson (2013) Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do and become. New York: Hudson Street Press, chapters 1-3.
b) Z. Rubin, (1973) Liking and loving: An Invitation to Social Psychology. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, chapter 7.
10/13 Session 12: Attraction and Courtship across Cultures
a) J.S. Hirsch and H. Wardlow, (2006) Modern Loves: The Anthropology of romantic courtship and companionate marriage. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press. Introduction, pp. 1-31
b) H. Wardlow, All’s Fair When Love is War” in, Modern Loves, chapter 2.
10/16 Session 13: Coupling in Contemporary Western Heterosexual Culture
a) H. Fisher, (2006)“The Drive to Love: The Neural Mechanism for Mate Selection.” In, R.J. Sternberg and K. Weis (Eds.) The New Psychology of Love. chapter 5.
b) L. Wade and C. Heldman, (2012)“Hooking up and Opting Out” In L.M. Carpenter and J. DeLamater” Sex for Life: How Sexuality Changes Throughout our Lives. New York: New York University Press.
10/20 Session 14: Attraction and Coupling in Western Gay Culture
a) Colm Toibin, (2011) The Empty Family. New York: Scribner, “Barcelona, 1975.”
b) James Baldwin (1956) Giovanni’s Room. New York: Dial Press, pp. 109-137.
c) A.I. Green, (2012) “The Symbolic Power of Civil Marriage on the sexual life histories of gay men” In, L.M. Carpenter and J. DeLamater” Sex for Life: How Sexuality Changes Throughout our Lives. New York University Press.
Education 173 Fall, 2015
10/23 Session 15: Developing Intimacy in Close Relationships
a) P.R. Shaver and M. Mikulincer, (2006) “A Behavioral Systems Approach to Romantic Love Relationships: Attachment, Caregiving and Sex.” In, R.J. Sternberg and K. Weis (Eds.) The New Psychology of Love, chapter 3.
b) E. Hatfield, (1988) “Passionate and Companionate Love” In, R.J. Sternberg and M.L. Barnes (eds.), The Psychology of Love. New Haven: Yale University Press.
10/27 Session 16: Recognizing Different Ways of Loving
(a) R.J. Sternberg, (1986) “A triangular theory of love” Psychological Review, 93, 119-135.
(b) R.J. Sternberg (2006) “ A duplex theory of love” In, R.J. Sternberg and K. Weis (Eds.) The New Psychology of Love. chapter 9.
10/30 Session 17:Passionate and Companionate Love Across Cultures
a) J.S. Hirsch, (2006) “The Social Constructions of Sexuality: Companionate Marriage and STD/HIV Risk in Mexican Migrant Community.” In, J.S. Hirsch and H. Wardlow, (2006) Modern Loves: The Anthropology of romantic courtship and companionate marriage. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press.
b) D. Lieberman and E. Hatfield, “Passionate Love: Cross-Cultural and Evolutionary.” In, R.J. Sternberg and K. Weiss (Eds.) The New Psychology of Love, chapter 13.
11/3 Session 18: Can Love Last?
a) D. Byrne and S.K. Murnen (1988) “Maintaining Loving Relationships” In,
R.J. Sternberg and M.L. Barnes, The Psychology of Love, chapter 13.
a) b) S. A. Mitchell, (2002) Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance Over Time.
New York: Norton. (selections)
Education 173 Fall, 2015
11/6 Session 19: The Lure of Other Lovers and Limits of Monogamy
a) D. Blum, (1998) “Perfect Partners: The “Monogamy Puzzle” in Sex on the Brain: The biological differences between men and women. New York: Penguin Books, chapter 4.
b) Sarah Waters, (2006) The Night Watch, pp. 49-64, 146-164.
11/10 Session 20: How intimate relationships fall apart
a) D.M. Buss, (2006) “The Evolution of Love.” In, R.J. Sternberg and K. Weis (Eds.) The New Psychology of Love, chapter 4.
b) J. M. Gottman, (1994) “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Warning Signs” in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. New York: Fireside Book.
11/13 Session 21: Plasticity and Positivity: Learning to be more positive
a) R.J. Davidson (2012) The Emotional Life of the Brain. New York: Plume, chapter 8: “The Plastic Brain.”
b) B. Fredrickson, (2009) Positivity. New York: Three River Press, chapter 2.
c) B. Fredrickson, (2013) Love 2.0. New York; Hudson Street Press, chapter 4: “Love’s Ripples.”
11/17 Session 22: How Negativity can Overwhelm Close Relationships
a) B. Fredrickson, Positivity, chapter 7, “The Positivity Ratio.”
b) J. M. Gottman, (1999) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, chapters 1,2.
11/20 Session 23: Building Positivity in Close Relationships
c) J.M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, chapters 3, 7-10.
Education 173 Fall, 2015
11/24 Session 24: Loneliness and Self-Care in Close Relationships
a) J. T. Cacioppo, J.H. Fowler and L.C. Christakis (2009) “Alone in the crowd: The structure and spread of loneliness in a large social network.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97 (6), 977-991.
b) K. Neff, (2011) Self-Compassion. New York: William Morrow, pp.56-59.
c) B. Fredrickson (2013) Love 2.0, chapter 6.
12/1 and 12/4 Sessions 25&26: Student Presentations
12/8 Session 27: Summing Up with Final Paper Due
Required Books (to be purchased or available at library reserve)
1. Sternberg, R.J. and Weiss, K. (2006). The New Psychology of Love. New Haven: Yale University Press.
2. Hirsch, J. and Wardlow, H. (2006). Modern Loves: The Anthropology of Romantic Courtship and Companionate Marriage. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press.
3. Fredrickson, Barbara (2013). Love 2.0: How our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do and Become. New York: Hudson Street Press.
4. Gottman, Jon (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books.
5. McEwan, Ian. (2007). On Chesil Beach. London: Vintage.
6. Waters, Sarah (2006). The Night Watch. New York: Riverhead Trade.
7. Erich Fromm (1956/2006) The Art of Loving. New York: Harper Perennial.
All other readings will be available through New Latte.
Course Requirements for Education 173
1. Class attendance and active participation in small groups including leading the small group discussion twice during the semester.
2. Reading the readings and completing a weekly response paper in relation to those readings.
3. Four written assignments. The first will be a description of your current implicit theory of a loving relationship. The second will be on the developing of capacities for close relationship from birth through adolescence. The third will be on attraction, courtship and intimacy in contemporary American culture. The fourth will be on why intimate relationships fall apart and the skills needed to maintain those relationships. More information on these assignments will be forthcoming.
4. For an extra-credit assignment students may choose to do a class presentation on their fourth assignment during the last week of class.
Evaluation
The course grade will be based on fulfilling these requirements:
1. class attendance and active participation -10%
2. leading the small group discussion -10%
3. weekly response papers- 15%
4. four written assignments- 65%.
Success in this four-credit course will require of you at least 9 hours a week of study time. Though the time demands may vary, please allot this amount of time to complete the readings, prepare for small group discussion, complete the weekly response papers and the four written assignments.
If you are a student with a documented disability on record at Brandeis University and wish to have a reasonable accommodation made for you in this class, please see me immediately.
You are expected to be familiar with and to follow the University’s policies on academic integrity. All policies related to academic integrity apply to the response papers as well as the four written assignments. Allegations of academic dishonesty will be forwarded to the Director of Academic Integrity.
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