Leader’s Discussion Guide-- Conflict

sdmiusacanada.org

Churchof theNazarene

Conflict

SessionGoal:Tohelpparticipantsunderstandthatconflictisanormalpartof life andlearn howtobe

Christlikeinourresponseto life’s challengesandconflicts.

AreYouReady?

Pray for God’s directionas youprepare for thesession.Pray thatparticipants willbe opento

God’s truthand beready toapply itto their lives.

Readtheentireleader’s guideforthis sessiontogetanoverview of thematerial.

ViewtheMor2Lifvideo,Conflict.

BepreparedtoshowtheMor2Lifvideo,Conflict.

Choose oneor twoquestions fromthe“SoWhat?” sectionas a follow-uptothevideoandanintro tothestudy.

DeterminewhichOption youwilluse fromthe“NowWhat?” sectionof thesession.If choosing

Option2,the“TechniquesforResolving Conflict” (seethepage of this Leader’s Guide Outline).

Bepreparedor enlist severalpeopletoread:Romans12:9-21;Ephesians4:25-32.

Preparecopiesof theparticipant outline,Conflict.

Introduction

Conflict happensineveryrelationship.Itis asregularasholidaysor Sundaydinner. Conflict, when viewedfromGod’s perspectivecanbebeneficialandnotdestructive.Itdependsonhowyou faceit. However,for toomanypeopleconflictis seenasahazardwhichthreatensto crushtheir plansleaving thembruisedandhurting. As aresulttheylearn toavoidconflictatallcosts,either byrunningawayor byrefusingtoacknowledgeit.Forothers,conflictis anobstacle;anopponenttobedefeatedandthe quickerthebetter.Howdoyoutypicallyfaceconflict? Thinkaboutthefollowingquestionsasyou preparetoleadthis session.

Whenyouhear theword“conflict”,what images,feelings,and thoughts cometo your mind?

Howdidyourfamilyhandleconflictwhenyouweregrowingup?Didcertainpeoplebecomeloud andboisterous?Didothersbecomesilent andretreat?

Howdoyouthinkyourfamilyshapedyourpatternofconflictresolution?

NotetoLeader:Itis possiblethatsomemembersof thegroupare currently inthe midstof serious conflict. Encouragethemtoidentifystepstheycantaketo resolvetheconflict. Beawareyoumayneedto encouragethemtoseekprofessionalhelp.

SoWhat?

Viewthevideo,Conflict.Chooseoneor moreof thefollowingquestionsthatbestfitstheneeds/dynamics of yourgroup.

Whatdoyouthinkwasthemainpointof thevideo?

With whichcharacterdoyou mostidentify?Why?

Consider threewaysto respondto conflict: fight,flight, or freeze.Whichone wouldyousayis mostoftenyourresponse?

Whatmightbethepositiveand/ornegativeaspectsof yourconflictresponse?

Thinkof oneor twocloserelationships.Howwouldyousaytheyrespondtoconflict?

Whatmightbesomewaysyouor thosein yourgroupcouldhelpyoutomakethebestandmost godlyresponseto conflictsyouareencounteringinyourrelationshipsathome,school,work,and so forth?

WhatDoestheBibleSay?

Say,Conflictis a normalpartof relationships.However,regardlessof the conflicteveryChristianis commandednottoallowangertopromotesinful attitudesandactions(Ephesians4:26).Howis that possible?Inhis letter tothe churchinRome,theapostlePaulgivessomeguidelinesthatcanbehelpfulin dealing withconflict.Let’s takea lookat those guidelines.

PracticeLoveinConflict

Reador havesomeonereadRomans12:9-21.

List somekeyteachingsfromthis passagethatareusefulinconflictresolution.

Discusshoweachteachingmightbehelpfulinconflictresolution.

Whichof these “keys”do your find easyto applyinyour life?Whichof theses “keys”do youfind

difficultto applyinyourlife?

WhatdoesPauladvocatein verse18?Doyoufindthisdirectivedifficultoreasy?

PutontheNewSelf

ReadorhavesomeonereadEphesians4:25-32.

Say,Earlier inthispassagethebeliever is commanded to“put onthenewself, createdtobelikeGod(v.

22).Thisis aclearcall torighteousnessandholiness inallof ourdealings;eveninconflict.

What command does verse25 give? Howdo youthinkthiswill“look” ina conflict situationin

whichabeliever is involved?

Howimportantanelement do youthink“inyour anger do not sin” isto conflict resolution?

Howwelldoyou temperyourangerinconflictresolution?

Whatdoesverse29teachaboutourchoiceof wordsinconflictresolution?Whatmightbesome

ways to “build others up”evenina conflict situation?

Howeasyis it foryouto“forgive” (v.32) whenyouareina conflict situation?

HowDoesThisAffectMyLife?

Responses toConflict

Say,Conflictis aninevitablepartof life. Dr.Jim Pettitt,MarriageandFamilyLife consultantforthe Churchof theNazarenestated:“If thereisn’tconflict ina relationship, oneperson isn’tneeded—or is dead.”

Whatdoyoufeel aresomefactorsthatinfluence thewayindividualsexperienceconflict?

Inwhatrelationships in yourlifeareyoucurrentlydealingwith conflict?

Whataresomewaysyou aredealingwiththatconflict?Are thepracticesyouareusinghelping or hinderingthepointsofconflict?

NowWhat?

OptionOne

Covenantwithyourgroupmemberstoaskthesequestionswhenconflictsarisethis week.

Inmyattemptstoresolve conflictedissues,Iwillexaminemywordsandask:Are theylovingly truthful?Are theyuplifting andsupportive?WhatchangesmightIneedtomaketoalignthemwith God’s Word?

Howmightthoseinyourgrouphelpyoubeaccountableforyourwords?

OptionTwo

Discuss the“TeachingforResolving Conflict” list byDr. RoyRotz.

Inwhatareasareyoudoingwellin resolvingconflict?

Whatstepscanyoutaketoimprovethewayyoudealwith conflict?

Close thesessionwithprayer.AskGodtogiveparticipantsthegrace,courage,anddesiretoresolve conflictsthatthreatentoharmtheir relationships.

TechniquesforResolvingConflict

ByDr. RoyRotz(2011)

Understandthatdifferencesanddisagreementsareanormalpartof
anyrelationship. / NOTES
Knowthatangeris asignal thatsomethingiswrong.If youbecome
angry,talkaboutitusing“I” statements.
Setasidea timeandplacetodealwiththeconflict. Whenemotionsare outof control,taketimeto stepback,calmdown,think,andthencome backtogethertoworkoutthesituation.
Definetheproblemor conflict. Focusonwhattheproblemis; notwhothe problemis.
Identifyyourownunderstandingof theproblemandlisten toother
person’s explanationof his/her understanding oftheproblem.
Discoverareasof agreementanddisagreement.Focusonsimilarities insteadof differences.
Stayonthesubjectof theimmediate conflict; don’tbring up past
baggage.
Exploreoptionsforresolution.Getcreative;thinkoutsidethebox.
Focusonthesolution,nottheproblem.
Valuetheotherperson.
Allowfortheneedsof eachpersontobemet.Identify theneedsof eachpersonanddoyourbesttomeetthem.
Closetheissue.Whenaconflictor problemhasbeensatisfactorily resolved,closetheissueinatangiblewaythatismutuallyacceptable.