LOS HOMBRES DE EN NINGUN LUGAR
LOS HOMBRES DE EN NINGUN LUGAR
By Darren Smith
EXT: Outside LOCKUP (Music)
The camera opens on the back of a leather jacketed gangster (#1) who is crossing a street to the alleyway next to the LOCKUP. He is carrying a large paper bag. Another gangster (#2) is leaning against the wall next to the alleyway waiting for #1, smoking. He is similarly attired, rough looking, wearing a black woolen hat. When #1 reaches the alley, he starts down it. The camera stays at the alleyway entrance for a moment as #1 walks down it then follows #2 down it as he starts after #1 a few moments later after looking up and down the street and throwing his cigarette.
The alleyway is long and dark. Graffiti adorns the walls either side. The camera follows #2 down the alley and left at the junction at the end to a large metal door. This is the entrance to the garage/Lockup. #1 has already entered and left it ajar. #2 enters and closes the door behind him on the camera.
Cut to:
INT: LOCKUP backroom
The door opens into a small backroom, which is dark. The camera is in a strange position in one corner on the floor looking up and diagonally across the room. The light comes from the main garage area of the lockup itself, this comes through a door into the backroom. #2 walks through the backroom and into the main garage area.
Cut to:
INT: LOCKUP main garage area
The lockup could be a working garage, it is filled with machinery against the walls, crates and spare parts, essentially metal junk. The ceiling is high and light comes in from frosted glass panels in the roof. A small toilet is in one corner behind a door.
#3 is sitting on a backwards chair, elbows on the back, smoking. He is similar to the others, dark, leather jacketed with hooded top underneath. He looks up at #2 when he enters and nods to him. #2 nods back from the doorway. #1 is taking his coat off and hanging it up in the background. #1 then wheels a whiteboard out to the center of the room, facing three chairs, one of which #3 is on. The large paper bag is on the floor next to the whiteboard. #3 sees this.
#2 enters the room and walks to a chair. When he is about to sit down there is the noise of a toilet flushing behind him, he and #3 exchange a glance then look back to see the door to the toilet open and #4 come out, fly completely undone, tucking himself deeply into his jeans before doing his fly up and then his belt. He looks like the others but is slightly more gangly.
#2 throws him a dirty look. Then looks forwards after a momentary stare at the large paper bag.
#3 looks over as #4 sits down, he looks over and then beyond him at the getaway 4-Seat Schwinn under a green tarp against the far wall.
A marker pen is tapped repeatedly on the whiteboard by #1. All the others look to him.
On the whiteboard in squeaky marker pen #1 draws a large box, then on top of it in a banner writes “BANCO”. #2 and #3 share a glance and a smile. #4 leans forwards and squints as if having trouble seeing or reading.
On the whiteboard #1 marks out the streets leading to the bank that they will be taking from the lockup and then for the getaway. The pen squeaks as if speaking as he draws trees and signs and other buildings. The other 3 look on.
On the whiteboard #1 draws in the bank, he draws two security guard stickmen (with hats and guns), a manager in a managers office (with “EL DIRECTOR” above head), 3 tellers and queues of people all looking unhappy as they are queuing. He draws CCTV cameras.
#1 points his pen at #2 then draws a stickman with a shotgun pointing at the security guards, “LA SEGURIDAD” above them. #2 looks on and nods.
#1 then points to #3, who looks on. Another stickman is drawn pointing gun at the queues and tellers.
#1 points at #4, who looks at the others, looking smug. #1 then draws a stickman outside of the bank and writes “LA HUIDA” over it. #4’s face drops. #2 and #3 smile at this.
#1 then draws a fourth stickman pointing a gun at the manager and then draws the vault behind the manager. He smiles to himself whilst drawing, close to the whiteboard.
From out of shot #2, #3 and #4 walk to behind #1 at the white board, they take a marker pen each. #1 looks at them and stands back. The plan is on the board, with times, X’s and arrows. #2 takes the top off his marker pen and crosses out the time (12:00) and replaces it with (16:00), his pen is a different pitch to #1. It sounds like him disagreeing. #1 shakes his head and crosses out 16:00 and writes 13:00, whilst #2 writes 15:00 squeakily. It is like they are arguing in squeaks. #3 then runs a long single line, and squeak across both sets of times and writes 14:00. #1 and #2 nod. There is a high squeaking from out of shot. All 3 look over to see #4 doodling a car with him in it. It is a sports car. He has his tongue out and is doodling happily away, squeaking. He notices the others are looking at him. He stops and puts the pen down. #1 then walks to him and his drawing and crosses it all out, with angry squeaks. #4 bows his head. #1 then draws frantically, all 3 look on, his drawing not shown til the end. When it is finished he stands back and walks through them and over to the tarpaulin. #2 and #3 watch him. #4 looks at his drawing, it is of the Schwinn. He then looks over too as #1 pulls the tarpaulin off the Schwinn. It has THE MEN FROM NOWHERE – MIME TROOPE on a sign under the crossbar. The others look impressed.
#2, #3 and #4 return to their seats. #1 returns to the whiteboard and picks up the paper bag next to it. He rummages in it and pulls something blue out, which he throws to #2. #3 then catches something brown and #4 something pink. #1 then takes something orange out of the bag. #2 has opened out his leotard and is resting it against himself. He frowns then realizes and looks back at the bike. MIME TROOPE stands out. #4 has his pink leotard against himself. He looks at it and has a sly and disappointed look at the others. #3 is looking over at it. He has a brown leotard. He tries to hold in a silent laugh at #4’s pink leotard but cannot. He lets out a mimed laugh and then turns away. #1 and #2 smile too.
#1 turns back to the white board. #4 looks over at #3’s brown leotard. He sneakily grabs it from him. He throws the pink one at him. #3 looks angry and throws the pink leotard back at him and stands up, grabbing the brown leotard from #4. #4 stands and grabs the other end of the leotard. They tug it and then #4 falls back. #3 mimes a laugh. But #4 is angry and stands, miming a pistol. Which cocks. #3 turns serious, camera rushing on him, he pulls two mimed pistols, both of which can be heard cocking.
#2 turns, standing a miming a shotgun which he loads (sound of shotgun loading), pointing it between the other two who are standing off.
#1 then puts a hand on #2’s shoulder. #2 relaxes a little but keeps the mimed shotgun raised. #1, palms showing takes the pink leotard and the brown one from #3 and #4 and back away, taking the blue one off of #2’s shoulder.
#1 stuff the colored leotards in the paper bag and pulls four black ones from the bag. He turns and throws them at the camera.
Cut to:
INT: Lockup, backroom, getting ready
Close to the camera #2 is pulling on a black leotard over a tattooed muscular frame. #3 walks by painting face white. #1 is putting on a tight fitting black beret, he already has white face paint and black leotard on. #4 is already dressed too and is adjusting his genitals in the leotard by the Schwinn. #3 pulls on a pair of tight leather gloves. He looks over at #4 who is checking the air in the tires. #1 ties a black bag to his belt. He looks around at the other, who are ready. He then looks back at the clock in the garage. It shows 1pm.
Cut to:
EXT: Schwinn on the Road
With the front wheel the size of the clock the scenes change. The Schwinn is racing along a country lane. #4 at the front then #1, #2 and #3. All are in black mime outfits, faces white.
TITLES, CREDITS : - LOS HOMBRES DE EN NINGUN LUGAR (THE MEN FROM NOWHERE)
The Schwinn cycles off up the long country lane as the camera raises looking up further towards a town.
Cut to:
INT: The Bank, interior
Loud bank activities. People in line are shown waiting for the tellers. Tellers count out money. Security guards watch people.
Cut to:
EXT: The Bank, exterior
The camera is close to the ground. It focuses on the bank across the street from the other side of a junction. People to and fro. The Schwinn then pulls up, its front wheel in shot, the bank seen through the spokes.
#1, #2 and #3 get off and they are seen walking toward the bank, looking around as they walk. #4 rides slowly behind them and then passed them, stopping slightly passed the bank.
Cut to:
INT: Bank, interior
Loud bank activites. THE MANAGER is playing solitaire on his PC on his desk. He looks over at TELLER A. TELLER A is counting money for OLD WOMAN.
TELLER A
“How would you like that, madam?”
OLD WOMAN
“Oh, as it comes.”
TELLER A
“Twenties and tens?”
OLD WOMAN
“Yes, that would be fine. Thank you.”
TELLER A
(Counting the money)
“Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, ninety, one hundred.”
(He straightens it and hands it over)
“Here you go, Mrs Stone. Don’t spend it all at once.”
(She smiles, organizing her purse)
TELLER B
“Lewie.”
(TELLER A looks over)
“Do you have any change of address forms?”
TELLER B has ERIC standing at his window.
TELLER A
“In the 3rd filing cabinet al…”
(His attention is drawn to the door)
“What the f…?”
He stops speaking as #1, #2 and #3 burst through the doors. The camera zooms in on them erratically. #2 cocks his mimed shotgun and points it at the queue by the tellers. People duck away. SECURITY GUARD A moves towards them, #1 mimes hitting him across the face with a pistol. A woman screams. He falls to the ground. #3 points two mimed pistols at him. #3 smiles. #1 strides towards THE MANAGER, mimed pistol raised.
THE MANAGER
“What is this?”
TELLER B moves his hand slowly towards a silent alarm under his desk. He moves carefully watching #2 and #3. Who are moving people away from the door and sitting them by the desks. TELLER B then presses the button several times.
INT: Police Station
The 6 police officers are sitting around one room. It has maps and desks and paperwork and filing cabinets and typewriters. You see the policemen’s badges and guns and parts of uniforms before the whole scene. All 6 police officers are dwarves. Two are playing FISH the card game. Suddenly the red light on the wall starts flashing. They all look up then charge off out of shot.
INT: The Bank, interior
#3 holds a mimed bag out to TELLER A, who looks back puzzled at the MANAGER. The MANAGER nods.
THE MANAGER
“Give them what they want.”
TELLER A takes two handfuls of notes and drops them between the hands of #3 into the mimed bag. The money drops to the floor. #3 mimes a laugh, holding his ribs. #1 and #2 look over at him. TELLER B and CUSTOMER A laugh. #2 cocks the invisible shotgun to the sound of a shotgun cocking. The TELLER B and CUSTOMER A’s faces drop. His face drops and he pulls a real bag from his belt, which TELLER A starts to fill.
Cut to:
EXT: The Bank, exterior
#4 is sitting on the Scwinn. He is resting on the handlebars bored. A beautiful girl walks by, she smiles at him. He smiles too, looking at her as she walks off to the next street. A police car is by the street, waiting. With all the police men in it. #4 sees them and looks panicked. He looks left, right, left right then gets off the Schwinn. It falls over and he trips and heads for the bank.
Cut to:
INT: The Bank, interior
The camera is on #1’s wrist, he has a Mickey Mouse watch on it. It is on stopwatch. 3 minutes have gone by. He is walking out of the vault with 2 full sacks of cash. THE MANAGER is walking in front of him a few paces, #1 has his mime gun pointed at THE MANAGER. THE MANAGER is guided to sit with the hostages. #1 nods sideways to #2 and #3, with their sacks, to the door. The move backwards, mimed guns pointing at the people. When they reach the door #4 barges through it and into them. He points out of the door. They look out.
Cut to:
EXT: The Bank, Exterior
The police car pulls up out front with the screeching of brakes. The dwarf cops charge out and pull real guns, hiding behind it and training their guns on the bank.
Cut to:
INT: The Bank, interior
There is a squeak of a fart from #1, #2, #3 and #4 the same pitches as the pens. They then move away from the door. #2 moves to the hostages and points his mime shotgun. A few hostages whimper.
They start to build a barricade, moving invisible boxes and ducking behind them. Sliding some heavier boxes. #4 can’t lift an invisible box so he mime whistles for #3 to help. They carry the box together. #4 tries to lift a box but after resting it atop another it falls on his foot. SECURITY GUARD 2 laughs at this.
COP A
(Over bullhorn)
“Inside the bank. You are surrounded. Come out with your hands up”
#1 mimes creeping across the floor and crawls behind the mimed barricade. He looks over at the cops. Four are training the guns on the bank. One walks over with a tray of Starbucks coffees. COP A still has the bullhorn.
Cut to:
EXT: The Bank, Exterior
From behind the police car. COP F is handing out the coffees.
COP B
(Getting a coffee)
“Extra caramel, right?”
COP F
“Sure. Oh, hold on.”
(He takes the coffee off COP B and gives it to COP C)
“My bad.”
(He hands him a different coffee)
COP D
“Did they…?”
COP F
“Nope.”
COP D
(Pissed)
“They never have croissants.”
COP A
(Turning to them all)
“Guys. There is a bank robbery going on. Try to act professional.”
They all apologize and retake their position looking over the car, guns trained on the bank.
COP A
“Come out with your hands up”
Seen as if ducking behind the mimed barricade, back to them, #1 flicks them the bird what would be over the barricade.
COP A
“Bastard.”
COP C
(Eye closed, long pistol pointing at bank)
“I could shoot it off from here, boss.”
COP A
“Easy there, trigger, this ain’t Tombstone
and you ain’t Billie Holliday.”
Cut to:
INT: The Bank, interior
#1 gestures to #2, #3 and #4. They sneak over, hiding behind planets and boxes until they are at the barricade. Carrying their money bags with them. All 4 look over the barricade. They check their mime guns and then nod and stand over the barricade, firing.
Cut to:
EXT: The Bank, Exterior
The police car windows are shattered with gunfire. The dwarf cops hide behind it as bullets destroy the car. The camera is ducking with the cops. Glass flies about them.
The mime criminals start moving out of the bank and up the road toward the Schwinn.
COP A
(When the shooting stops)
“Everyone ok?”
(All the cops murmur or nod)
The cops stand and dust themselves off looking at the bank. Then they look up the street to see the Schwinn cycling away. It is already a few blocks away.
COP A
(to COP B)
“Get some transport.”
(Camera zooms in on him)
“This ain’t going down on my shift.”
Cut to:
EXT : Street
COP B is in the middle of the street. The camera is rushing to him as a car. He puts a hand up holding his badge. The camera comes to a screeching halt next to him. He narrows his eyes and looks over his shoulder. The car is playing music on the radio.
Cut to:
EXT: Country Lane
The same music is played as the Schwinn races through the countryside. #4 is smiling and peddling. #3 is behind him smiling and peddling, as is #2 behind him. #1 is behind him smiling too. He hears an engine rev and looks over his shoulder.
A classic car has all the cops in it and is catching up with them.
#1 taps #2 on the shoulder. #2 looks beyond him at the car. He then nods and pulls a mime pistol and positions himself before laying back. #1 moves to one side, letting #2 rest on his leg as he fires at the cop car.
The car swerves out of the way then starts catching up with them again. Two cops lean out of the doors and start firing.