Funny Instagram Captions Collection by SlushFusion!

  • Need an ark? I Noah guy.
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
  • If I was funny, I would have a good Instagramcaption.
  • I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
  • A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table.
  • I had fun once, it was horrible.
  • Women drivers rev my engine.
  • Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram
  • Friday, my second favorite F word.
  • If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
  • I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me
  • Weekend, please don’t leave me.
  • I got back with my Ex…Box 360.
  • I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast.
  • Invite me to play Candy Crush one more time.
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • Volleyball is just a really intense version of “don’t let the ball touch the floor”.
  • Girls be like, no makeup!
  • I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
  • Friends marathon on Netflix, YES!
  • We all start as strangers!
  • Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
  • When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
  • Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save animals, then why are you eating their food?
  • Never cry for that person who doesn’t know the value of your tears.
  • Changed all my passwords to incorrect, then every time I forget my password, it says “your password is incorrect”.
  • Impossibru!
  • You go to school, nothing happens. You miss one day, beyonce shows up unannounced.
  • A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A dumb person creates it.
  • So you’re telling me I have a chance.
  • Walking past a class with your friends in it.
  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was Aliens!
  • Yea, dating is cool but have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?
  • Started from the bottom now we’re here.
  • I think you are lacking vitamin me!
  • When Instagram was down, I ran around town shouting “like” at flowers, dogs, and expensive brunches.
  • Say “Beer Can” with a british accent. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  • I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.
  • I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT.
  • Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
  • So, you’re on Instagram? You must be an amazing photographer.
  • Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • Good morning beautiful! I hope I didn’t wake you and I’m sorry if I did but I just want to tell you that you’re an amazing and beautiful person and I hope you have a great day!
  • I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
  • All you need is Pizza.
  • The moment when she says you’re cute!
  • I don’t always make sense, but when I do, I don’t.
  • You should smell my breath.
  • Dude, all my friends have birthdays this year.
  • I act like I’m ok, but I’m really not.
  • I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
  • Stay strong, the weekend is coming.
  • You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.
  • Smash, now what will I Instagram?
  • When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.
  • Omg! Look at me! Instagramselfie!
  • When the parents hate it, the kids love it.
  • Your WhatsApp status says online, if you’re online then why aren’t you texting me.
  • Don’t worry if you haven’t found your true love, they’re just with someone else right now.
  • Darwin award goes to…
  • Oh pizza, you understand me so well.
  • Trying to forget it but the memories are too strong.
  • That moment when you realize your childhood is over.
  • Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
  • Live the live you want to, not the one you’re supposed to.
  • I’d like to thank Red Bull, Google, Vodka, and Wikipedia for my graduation.
  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
  • A selfie a day keeps the friends away.
  • My diet plan: make all of my best friends cookies; the fatter they get, the thinner I look.
  • What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.
  • I hate flying lessons.
  • Don’t play dumb with me. That’s a game you can’t win.
  • Guess what I just did.
  • Hating me doesn’t make you pretty.
  • That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart.
  • Whatever you do in life, make sure it makes you happy.
  • Life is short, false; it’s the longest thing you do.
  • If I die tomorrow, will you remember me?
  • You’re doing it wrong.
  • Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
  • The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.
  • Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
  • At least this balloon is attracted to me!
  • Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
  • If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?
  • Crossfit? I play real sports.
  • I must destroy you with hugs and kisses.
  • This seat is taken.
  • A little birthday party they said, it’ll be fun they said.
  • I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
  • It’s so beautiful when a boy smiles.
  • Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.
  • Girl,Ima have to call you back.
  • Have a seat, we were expecting you.
  • I’ve finally counted.
  • OMG that’s so cute.
  • Buy an iPhone they said, it comes with a map, they said.
  • One does not simply “Let it go”.
  • Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
  • You’re cute, can I have you?
  • Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said.
  • Hey girl, I like the way we finish each other’s’ sandwiches.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and can always be replaced.
  • On my way to school :)
  • I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, call me Beercules!
  • Truth is, I’m crazy for you. And everyone can see that but you.
  • Who’s awesome? You are!
  • You only drink diet soda? You must be so healthy.
  • Heart boys who make funny faces when they see you for the first time.
  • My chocolate chip cookie, is raisin :(
  • Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.
  • Some days start better than others.
  • Can I film you while you sleep? You’re so cute.
  • I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
  • I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
  • Chilling like a gangsta.
  • I’m the girl you’ve always wanted.
  • This just gave me another reason why I love this person.
  • You think this is a game?
  • Happiness is just a chemical.
  • I AM an Instagram Caption!
  • You play Call of Duty? That’s cute.
  • Who’s that cute person? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  • Help me please, I’m bored.
  • If you look in the mirror when your eyes are shut, it’s like watching yourself when you’re asleep.
  • It’s not a phase mom, it’s who I am.
  • I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
  • I just want to cuddle, that’s all I want.
  • Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.
  • Best selfie ever!
  • Be who and what you want, period.
  • Being single is smarter than being in the wrong relationship.
  • Says he wants to whisper something in your ear, screams!
  • Everytime my phone goes off, I hope it’s you.
  • I can’t go on, will you carry me.
  • You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
  • Throwback to when I was a nerd.
  • They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.
  • Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.
  • The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • Instagram is down; just describe your lunch to me.
  • Know your limits.
  • How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes.
  • Free hot dogs and chili, you always pay for them later.
  • Hey girl, get back to work.
  • Work until your idols become your rivals.
  • Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.
  • Real men don’t take selfies.
  • The question isn’t can you, it’s will you?
  • Girls be like, I love my hair in this pic.
  • I get by with a little help from my friends.
  • “Insert funny caption”
  • Long line at Starbucks, first world problems.
  • Cinderella never asked for a prince.
  • Finals are OVER!!!
  • This is how I look taking a selfie.
  • No panties!
  • Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.
  • Ladies, please.
  • But first, let me take a selfie.
  • Be yourself, there’s no one better.
  • I’m on a date, she isn’t very social.
  • Stay sharp and far from timid.
  • Warning - You might fall in love with me.
  • Be Yourself, everyone else is taken.
  • All I need is Chipotle.
  • Making people unsure about my gender on a daily basis.
  • I broke my own heart just by loving you.
  • I’m your worst nightmare.
  • Love when my bae hugs me like this.
  • Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.
  • I graduated from the university of selfies.
  • It’s a sweatshirt kind of day.
  • Trying clothes on, do you like it?
  • Sweat pants or yoga pants?
  • Fresh out of the shower, no make-up.
  • This is why we can’t have nice things.
  • What do you think of the view?
  • Yesterday, I changed my WiFi password to “Hackitifyoucan”; today, someone changed it to “ChallengeAccepted”.
  • There’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
  • Don’t let your eyes be blinded by her beauty.
  • The Master of Disguise.
  • So, who ate my food?
  • These are the days we live for.
  • This is my town.
  • This is the most magical pic of your life.
  • Animal selfies are the best selfies.
  • I haven’t done this in a while so excuse me.
  • Got the bathroom smelling like fish sticks.
  • When was the last time I was cute?
  • This V neck is as deep as my thoughts.
  • Finer than a 0.5mm pencil!
  • Time to party, ladies.
  • Help, my duck face is stuck.
  • Funny caption.
  • At least my pizza is attracted to me.
  • Don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong enough.
  • When nothing goes right, go left instead!