TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT DISABILITIES
It is normal for kids to have questions about others whom they perceive as being different. By talking to kids, you can help them to better understand those differences and to foster relationships with children with disabilities. Here are a few suggestions:
• Explain to kids that just as there are kids with different racial, ethnic and cultural backgrounds, all kids have different kinds and levels of abilities. Some kids can run faster than anyone else in their class; others are unable to walk and may use a wheelchair. Some kids win spelling bees or math contests; others learn differently than their peers. Some kids sing solos in a school concert; others may not hear or be able to talk.
• Encourage kids to think about their own unique abilities and differences. What things are they good at, and what things are difficult for them to do? How would they like other kids to treat them as a result of those differences? Ask the kids to think about the unique abilities and gifts that other kids have to offer, including kids with disabilities.
• Encourage your children to get to know a classmate/neighbor with a disability as they would any other classmate/neighbor. If they have questions about the child's disability, encourage them to ask the child first, then a coach/teacher to help their understanding. If the child has siblings at school or park, kids might want to ask them what it's like to have a brother or sister with a disability. It is better for kids to ask open and honest questions than to simply ignore a child who is different. No child wants to feel left out or have others act as if they aren't there.
• When friendships do develop, remind kids to ask their friend with a disability before helping them do things. Most kids with disabilities want to do as much for themselves as possible.
When adults help facilitate communication and understanding between kids with and without disabilities, they may be amazed at how accepting children can be and how quickly friendships can grow.
When a child asks why a person who is disabled acts the way he or she does, take the opportunity to teach about the disability, beyond just giving it a name.
• A child might ask why a student makes faces a lot and grunts in class sometimes. One answer could be, “because s/he has Autism.” You should not assume to know a child’s diagnosis unless the child’s parent has specifically informed you. A better answer would be that the student has a disability that that causes their brain to work differently. Explain that it is something a person is born with, and that your child does not need to be afraid of the student or of the disability. If you don’t know the answer, say so and then find out. This is a great chance to do some guided research with your child. The U.S. National Library of Medicine’s website (medlineplus.gov) is a trusted source on the Internet for learning about many disabilities. Talk about what you learn and ask your child if he or she has more questions or concerns
(Revised from Katie Colon's "Feeling Included", Minnesota parent, April 1994.)
Adapted from Focus on the Family, Anita Corrine Donihue is a free-lance writer from Auburn, WA.
RESOURCES:
Books about disabilities
http://www.ucando.org/books.html
Conversation starters
http://www.whyzz.com/talking-to-kids-about-disabilities
Inclusion information
http://www.kidstogether.org/inclusion.htm
PERSON FIRST TERMINOLOGY
What do you see first?
• The wheelchair?
• The physical "problem"?
• The person?
If you saw the person in a wheelchair unable to get up the stairs into a building, would you say, "There's a handicapped person unable to find a ramp"? Or would you say, "There's a person with a disability who is handicapped by an inaccessible building"?
What is the proper way to speak to or about someone with a disability? Consider how you would introduce someone - Jane Doe - who doesn't have a disability. You would give her name, where she lives, or what she's interested in.
Why say it different for person with a disability? Every person is made up of many characteristics - mental as well as physical - and few want to be identified only by their ability to play tennis or by their love of fried onions. Those are just parts of us.
In speaking or writing, remember that children or adults with disabilities are like everyone else - except they have a disability. Therefore, here are a few tips for improving your language related to disabilities.
1. Speak of the person first, then the disability.
2. Emphasize abilities, not limitations.
3. Do not label people as a part of a disability group - don't say the disabled; say people with disabilities.
4. Don't give excessive praise or attention to a person with a disability. Don't patronize them.
5. Choice and independence are important; let the person do or speak for him/herself. When addressing someone, ask what name they would like to be called by.
child with a disability / disabled or handicapped child
person with cerebral palsy / palsied, CP, spastic
person who has... / afflicted with, suffers from, victim of
without speech; nonverbal / mute or dumb
developmental delay / slow
emotional disorder; mental illness / crazy or insane
deaf, hard of hearing / deaf and dumb
uses a wheelchair / confined to a wheelchair
person with mental retardation / retard, tard, mental
person with Down Syndrome / mongoloid, retard
has a learning disability / is learning disabled
person without a disability / normal, healthy, able-bodied
person with a physical disability / crippled, lame
congenital disability / birth defect
seizures / fits, spaz attack
cleft lip / hare lip