Counter Bullying Booklet Full Version

LookedAfterChildren Services

Counter–Bullying Workbook

CONTENTS

Page

PROTECTIVEBEHAVIOURS INTRODUCTION3

Unwritten Rules4

Feelings, ThoughtsandBehaviours4

TalkingtoSomebody5

SECTION ONE– WHAT ISBULLYING?6

WhatisBullying?6

FeelingsandBehaviour9

Whatdoes it feel like to be bullied?10

Temptingsituations13

WhatdoI need to stopbullying others?15

SECTIONTWO – STOPPING THE BULLYING23

The costsandgainsof bullying23

WhatcanI doto stopmyselffromBullyingagain?25

– support networks.

SECTION THREE –RELAXATION27

Relaxation exercises.27

PROTECTIVEBEHAVIOURS

UnwrittenRules

Ineverydaylifeyouhave rulesand regulationsthatyouneedtofollow.But,notalloftherulesthatyoufollow arewrittendownortaughttoyou.Forexamplenoonetold youthat tellingtalesiswrongand itisn’twrittendown anywhere – sohow did youlearnit?Thisisanexampleofanunwritten rule.

Inthetablebelow,writedownexamples ofunwrittenrulefordifferentpeople.We have started thetableforyou:

MENWOMENYOUNGPEOPLE

BULLIESVICTIMSOF

BULLYING

Be strong

Don’t cryin frontofpeople

Like football

Should notswear

Shouldbe agood cook

Mustlikebabies.

Don’ttelltales

Are strongerthanthepeoplethattheybully

Are weak

TalkingToSomebody

Doesit helpto talktootherpeople? What sortofpersondo youprefer totalkto? How doyou contactthosepeople whenyouneedthem?

Pleasefill out thetable below:

Section 1

Whatis Bullying?

WhatisBullying?

Below are a number ofbehavioursthat mayormaynotbe thought ofas bullying.

For eachofthebehaviours writerdownwhether you thinkthis isBullying.

Nowyou complete the rest withyourown answersDeliberately ignoring someone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

NameCalling

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Spreadingrumoursabout someone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Assaultingsomeone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Threateningsomeone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Laughing at someone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Puttingpressure on someone tofight youto prove themselves

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Gossiping about someone behindtheirback

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Smilingatsomeone

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

Takingthingsfromsomeone’sroomwhen they’re not there.

Isthisbullying?------

Whenmightitbebullying------

Whenmightit notbebulling------

As youcan seeform thelist above,there are lotsof behavioursthatmay or maynotbe seen as bullying.

Oftensomeofthe above behaviours would onlybe thoughtofasbullying if theywere done tosomeone alot.Forexample,ifonepersonwereignoringanotherpersonononeoccasion,thisprobablywouldn’tbethoughtofasbullying.Butifthey werebeingignoredevery daybymanypeople,then this might beviewed as bullying.

Thetwoways of deciding whether or not a behaviourcouldbethoughtofasbullyingistodecideif:

SOMEONEFEELS UNSAFEWITHTHATBEHAVIOUR

Or

SOMEONEFEELSTHEYHAVETO DOSOMETHINGTHATTHEYDO NOTWANTTO DO(E.G. BY PRESSURISING,INTIMIDATING,FRIGHTENINGOR FORCINGTHEM).

Feelingsandbehaviour

Feelings arefeelings

Thereare no right or wrongways tofeelinanysituation.

Howwe respond to differenteventsoftendepends on ourfeelingsabout thatevent.Twopeoplemayexperiencethesame eventbutrespond withtotallydifferentfeelings.Forexamplewhen you

describe(later inthe handbook)howyou feltbeforeduringand afterthe bullyingincidentabove,theotherpersoninvolvedwould havehad completelydifferent feelingstoyou.Later on inthebook you willbe asked totrytoimaginewhatfeelingstheymay have had.

Behaviourisachoice

There is notalways a choiceabout what happens tous,but thereisalways a choiceaboutthe waywe react to an eventand tothefeelingswe arehaving.Choices or decisionsthatwemake willhaveaneffect.Lateronintheworkbookyouwillbeasked to look atthechoiceyoumadewhen youdecided touse bullying

behaviour.

Weallhavethoughtsaboutour feelingsand ourbehaviour.

Howeverwearefeelingaboutsomethingthathashappenedwedonot havetorespond tothose feelings bybehaving in a

particularway. Wecan thinkaboutthe behaviourfirstand make adecisionthat stillallows us to feel safeandallows othersto feelsafewith us.

What doesit feel like to bebullied?

Haveyou ever beenbullied?Can yourememberhowyoufeltandwhat you didat thetime?

Ifyouhave been bullied in the past,brieflywritedownwhathappenedand tohelpyoutrytoremember thefeelings andbehavioursthatyouhad.

Thoughts,FeelingsandBehaviour.

Intheboxesbelow writedown whatyour thoughts,feelingsandbehaviourswere,before,duringandaftertheincidentofbullying.

BEFORE

Iwasfeeling…….

Iwasthinking…….

HowIbehavedwas …(whatyouactuallydid)

DURING

Iwasfeeling……

Iwasthinking….

HowIbehavedwas ….(Whatyouactuallydid)

AFTER

Temptation ToBully

Why doyouthink peoplebully?

Whichsituationstemptyou tobully?

Inthebox below write down themainreasonsthatyouhave bulliedothers:

Howcan Istop myselffrombullying?

Nowpickupasituation when youmight be able tobully someoneandtrytoimagine away that youcouldstopyourself.

SITUATION

Icanstop myself frombullyinginthissituationby:

Nowin thespacebelow,writedown examplesofthefeelingsthepersonwhowasbullied by youmay have had:

Inthespace belowwritedown examples of the thoughts of thepersonwhowasbullied by youmay have had:

Inthespace belowwritedownexamplesof someofthe

behavioursthat thepersonwhowas bulliedbyyoumayhavedone:

From the Feelings,Thought and Behavioursthatyouhaveidentifiedabove,pick onefromeach table andwritedown below

whatthelongtermeffectsofeachwillbeforthepersonyoubulliedandforothersthat are involvedwiththem.

Feelings

The feelingis:

Effectsforthebullied person:

Effectsfor otherpeopleinvolved:

Thoughts

Thethought is:

Effectsforthebullied person

Effectsfor otherpeopleinvolved:

Behaviours

Thebehaviouris:

Effectsforthebullied person

Effectsfor otherpeopleinvolved

Why do Ineed to stopmyBullyingbehaviour?

Writedown as many reasons as youcan for whyitisimportantforyoutostop bullying peopleinthefuture. Tryand think of whatmayhappen toyou(bothgood andbad)and also whatmighthappen tothepeoplethatyou choose tobully.

Things(goodandbad)that may happen tome ifIchoose to carry onusingbullyingbehaviour.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Thingsthatmayhappen tothepeopleI choosetobully:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Whatdoesmyfuturehold?

Nowwewantto tryandthinkaboutwhat youwantto happentoyouover thenextfewmonths.

Whatdoyouthinkthatyou needto tryand stopyourselffrombecoming involved inbullyingagain?

Writeinthe boxbelowanythingthatyou thinkyouneedtodoorneedhelp withtostopyourbullyingbehaviour.

WhatcanIdo to resolve thissituation?

Asyouknow,your behaviourhasled toyoubeingsuspected ofbullying. This situationwill needtobesettled so thateveryonecangetbacktoliving their livesinasnormala wayaspossible.

Thisis yourchance tosaywhatyouthinkneeds tobe done tosettlethe situationand makeamendsforyourbehaviour.

Write downany ideas youhave tosolvethis problem;

1.

2.

3.

Look atthechoices(options)belowand tellusthepositives andnegatives(goodand bad points) foreachchoice:

Option 1

Talk tothevictimised person withamemberofstaffpresentandcome to a solution(Restorative Justice):

What are the goodpointsof thissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpointstothissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Option 2

Keep outof the person’s way

What are the good pointstothissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpointsto thissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Option 3

Be punished in some way for mybehaviour:

What are the good pointstothissolution1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpoints 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Option 4

Be bulliedbysomeoneelsesothatIcan seewhatitfeelslike:

What are the good pointstothissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpointsto thissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Option 5

Dosomeworkwitha memberofstaffto look at thereasonformybullying behaviour:

What are the good pointstothissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpointsto thissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Option 6

Carryon asthoughnothinghashappened.

What are the good pointstothissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whatarethebadpointsto thissolution?1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Nowtry andthinkifyou have anyotherideas ofwhatyoucando toresolvethissituation.Ifyou haveany otherideas ,please writethembelow

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Nowlook atall the possible solutionsanddecidewhichoneyou thinkis best,then whichis secondbestand third.

Best solution

Second bestsolutionThird best solution

Now writedown whythiscourseofaction willhelp youtostopbullyinginthefuture:

Stopping yourselffrombullying again

How doyou planto stop yourselffrombullying againinthefuture?

Write down fiveways thatyou can stop yourself fromgiving ontothetemptationtobully inthefuture.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Section TWO

Stoppingthebullying

Thecostsandgainsof bullying

What does bullyinghelpyoutogain? What haveyoulost bybullying? Bullyingbehaviour does have gains and costs(or effectsthat arepositiveand negative)andthesecanbeshortterm(a weekto a month)or long term(amonth toyears).

Inthetablebelow,writedownwhat short and long term costs(negatives)andgains(positives) youhavemadeby bullying.

Shortterm andlongtermcostsand gainsof bullyingbehaviour

For eachofthecostsandgainsyouhave writtendown give a scoreof between 1to10 forhowimportantthatisto you.Number 1 beingthe leastimportant and 10 being the mostimportant. (Example:Ialways getto watch what Iwanton TVby bullying:8,it’simportant tome towatchthesoaps).

Whenyouhavescored allthepoints you have made,addup thescoreforeachsquare.

Which squarehas the highestscore?

Thiswill tellyouwhat yougain orloseoutofbullying.

Ifyouhave ahigh scoreforlong-termCosts,thenthisistellingyou thatperhaps youmight not want tocontinuewith thebullyingbehaviour.

Ifyouhave a higherscoreforGains,then perhapsyouneed totryandthinkofotherways you maybelosing outbybullying.

Whocansupportyouandhelpyoutostopyourbullyingbehaviour?

Inthespace belowlay yourhandflat and draw roundit with a pen orpencil.

Onthefingersofthehand writedownthefollowing:Peoplefromwhere youlivewho can help youOtherpeoplewho can helpyou.

On the wristwritedown the peoplethat you wouldcontact in anemergency.Theycan either bepeoplefromwhere youlive orthatyou knowfrom elsewhere.

Onthethumb writedownanyadultsfromyour familywhocansupportyou.

Now for eachperson write downhow theycan helpyou tostop bullyingothers.

Person 1

Person 2

Person 3

Person 4

Person 5

Person 6

Person 7

Person 8

Person 9

Person10

SectionTHREERelaxation

Relaxationexercisescan help peopletocleartheirmindsandcopewith stress.

Relaxationexercisesaren’teveryone’s‘cupof tea’ –but untilyou’vetried them you’ll neverknow!

There are twoways of doingrelaxationexercises.

The firsttypeofexerciseisa way ofrelaxingyour body.

The second typeof relaxationexerciseisdesigned torelax yourmind.

Exercise1–Physical Relaxation

The purpose of thisexerciseisto helpallthemuscles inyourbody tofeel relaxed.

Read this through firstand thentry todotheexercisewithouttheworkbook.

Startingfromyourfeet,clencheach setofmusclesindividuallyandrelaxthem.Do this acoupleoftimes beforemovingon tothenextmusclegroup.

Makesure youarelyingdownsomewherecomfortable and asquietaspossible.

Feet – scrunchupyour toes,relax them,repeat.Calves,tense upyour muscles,relax them,repeat.

Continuetodo this withallyourmuscle,onesetata timeuntilyougettoyourface.

Scrunchup yourface,relax,repeat.

Lie still and breath indeeply to acount of five.

Breatheoutslowlyand repeatuntilyoufeelcompletelyrelaxed.

Don’tmove amuscle,justconcentrateonyourbreathing.Stay like thisuntil you want togetup(Amaximum of 10minutes).

Exercise Two –Mind Movie, MentalRelaxation

Thisexercise istohelp you feelmentally relaxed.

Onceagainfind somewhere quiet whereyou won’t bedisturbed.Readthisthroughfirst,then tryto do itwithoutreadingthesteps.

You cansit uporliedown forthisexercise.Whateveryou domake sure thatyoufeelcomfortable.

Closeyoureyes.

Trytothinkofa placewhereyoufeel safe.This placecan be imaginaryorreal.

Go to yoursafeplace.Have alookaround.

Listentothesounds.Smellthe smells.

Feelthefeelings.

Sit or move aroundinthat place inyour mindConcentrateon the sound or smells or feelingsStay inyoursafeplacefor aslong asyou feelcomfortable.

Onceyouhavegonethere,youcan returnatanytimeofstress.Youcanhave lots of differentsafeplaces to gotoinyour

imagination,orjustoneparticular place.

Many peoplefind that this exercise helps them whentheyare stressedorif they arehaving problemsgettingtosleep.

These exercises may helpyou todealwiththetemptationtousebullyingbehaviour.

With lotsof practiceyouwillbeable touse theexercisesquicklyandeasily.

Iftheseexercisesare notforyou,there are manyother waysto

relax;for example,somepeoplewatch avideoor play footballorusea Playstationtorelax.Others read or playmusic.Everyonehassomethingtheycandotooccupytheirmindand take them awayfrom the realworldfor shortperiods;it’sjust a matteroffindingtheright thing foryou.

Write down 10thingsthatyoucan doto relaxifyouarefeelingstressed:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Evaluation

Use thispage by usingeitherpictures,symbolsorwordsto expresswhat the youngpersonisfeeling.

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