What is anger?
Anger is a normal human emotion. It can be experienced in response to a stressful and/or threatening situation.
Problems with expressing anger badly
Everyone feels angry at times, but it is how we deal with our angry feelings that determines whether there is a problem or not. Anger can become a problem when it occurs frequently, is very intense, and lasts too long. Some people show anger by being aggressive towards themselves or towards others. Although aggression may achieve short-term gains, it rarely has any long-term advantage and may lead to losing those close to us, or get us into other difficulties.
Problems with not expressing anger
Anger can be a problem for people who are normally very good at controlling their outward emotions. However, when someone feels they have been taken advantage of, resentment can get to the point where it cannot be stored any longer. When the outburst happens, it may be so out of character, or it produces such feelings of fear and guilt, that the ‘lid’ is replaced and emotions are bottled up – until the next time.
There is a strong link between suppressing angry feelings and feeling depressed or down. When we push our angry feelings inside ourselves, we can end up brooding on these thoughts at length.
Sometimes we feel angry without knowing or remembering why. We may then bring up old memories of all the other things we have to be angry about to justify feeling so bad. Each new angry thought or memory fuels the anger and makes us more likely to explode.
Triggers
There are many possible triggers for angry feelings. A few are given here:
Thoughts: sometimes we may think in a certain way that causes us to feel angrier than we need to. For example, we may get angry when we do not get something we want or think we deserve, such as a promotion.
Suppressed emotions: sometimes we may suppress our emotions and find it difficult to cope with anger, as these feelings can be very intense and we don’t know what to do with them. This can lead to major outbursts of anger that lead to problems of many kinds.
When to seek help
You should think about seeing your GP if;
· Your anger does not improve, despite trying the ideas set out here.
· You are overwhelmed by thoughts of harming yourself or others.
· Your anger is stopping you from leading your normal life.
Lifestyle and health: if we abuse alcohol or drugs it can cause angry outbursts due to the influence of the drug on the brain. Also, people that have epilepsy or have had a head injury may have problems with anger due to damage to areas of the brain.
Social skills: some people find interacting with others difficult, and so may cause others to get angry as well as themselves.
When is anger a problem?
Anger becomes a concern when we start to experience problems in certain areas of our life, such as in relationships, at work, or even when it gets us into encounters with the law. These situations may encourage us to seek treatment.
How to express anger appropriately
· Get to know yourself and your early signs of anger: Keep a personal anger diary to record triggers, your thoughts, feelings, behaviour, and the effectiveness of various coping strategies. Identify patterns and monitor change.
· Change angry thinking: Angry thoughts can become exaggerated. Try replacing them with rational thoughts such as, instead of saying, ‘everything is ruined now’ say, ‘it is frustrating but it is not the end of the world’. Most people think that it is the situation that makes them angry. In fact, it is our thoughts of the situation that cause anger.
· Use relaxation to help reduce physical tension: Learn to breathe deeply and calmly. You can also try;
- slowly repeating a calm word/phrase such as ‘relax/calm down’. Repeat it to yourself whilst breathing deeply.
- using imagery; visualise a relaxing scene from memory or your imagination.
- learning how to completely relax your muscles; practice daily and use in tense situations.
· Solving problems: Sometimes anger is caused by inescapable problems in life. In these circumstances:
- deal with only one problem at a time.
- decide which problems you can do something about.
- make a plan and review your progress.
- reward, don’t punish yourself.
· Express yourself assertively: If in a heated discussion:
- slow down and think carefully about what you want to say.
- don’t say the first thing that comes into your head.
- listen carefully and take your time before answering.
· Identify and express the feeling beneath the anger: Such feelings may include hurt, fear, rejection, and threat. For example, a father who gets angry with his son for criticising him may be covering up a feeling of hurt and rejection. It would be better for both of them if he said, ‘It really hurts me when you say that’. This type of reaction has a much less negative consequence.
· Challenge rigid ‘should’ beliefs: Think about the core beliefs underlying your anger. It is not other people who make us angry but certain beliefs we hold about the world. These are along the lines of; ‘I should be treated in a certain way’; ‘People should behave in a particular way’; Challenge these beliefs and soften them by saying ‘it would be nice if’ instead of ‘should’. Alternatively, ask yourself, ‘why should this be so?’
· Leave the situation: If you feel you are losing control, remove yourself from the situation and calm down before returning.
· Humour: This can sometimes help us get a more balanced perspective, but always avoid being sarcastic.
What treatment is available?
Self-help: The self-help information set out here is full of useful ways of helping yourself to reduce your feelings of anger.
Visit your GP: For some people, it is difficult to accept or talk about having an anger problem and your GP may suggest treatment to you without you asking for it. However, it is important to begin to think about treatment as it can help to improve your lifestyle.
Psychological treatment: Your GP may feel it is appropriate for you to see a clinical psychologist or a practice counsellor. This can be in the form of supportive psychotherapy, which explores deep-seated problems, or psychological advice.
Anger classes: You may be referred to a local anger management class. These are not therapy groups, but a short series of meetings in which those experiencing similar problems are taught about new ways of handling anger. Issues raised are discussed.
And finally . . .
Events that cause us anger and frustration are often beyond our control. But we can change the way we let events affect us.
Books
Overcoming Anger: Windy Dryden (1995, Sheldon).
Managing Anger: Gael Lindenfield (2000, HarperCollins).
Overcoming Anger and Irritability: William Davies (2000, Constable Robinson).
Websites
www.pe2000.com/anger.htm
www.gtonline.net/community/mindinfo/anger.htm
ANGER
Understanding it
Thinking about it
Dealing with it
Clinical Psychology Department
Kidderminster Hospital
Bewdley Road
Kidderminster
Worcs DY11 6RJ
Tel: 01562 823424 ext. 3296