David Schwartz, Hanegev (Written for Camp Ramah Darom)

The Ultra-Chocolaty Haggadah

David Schwartz, Hanegev (Written for Camp Ramah Darom)

Order of the Seder:

1.Kadesh - Sanctify this holy day by blessing the first cup of chocolate milk.

2.Urchatz - Purify ourselves by washing our face.

3.Karpas - Dipping of the strawberry.

4.Yachatz - Break the chocolate matzah.

5.Maggid - Tell the story of how we became free to eat chocolate.

6.Rachatz - Wash our face again.

7.Motzi Matzah - Blessing over the sweet treats we are going to eat.

8.Maror - Bittersweet chocolate to remind us of the pain of our ancestors.

9.Korech - The Hillel S’more.

10.Shulchan Orech - The festive treats.

11.Tzafun - Finding the afikomen.

12.Barech - A prayer of thanks for the chocolate.

13.Hallel - Final praises.

14.Nirtzah - Conclusion.

The Chocolate Seder Plate

Before us tonight at our Chocolate Seder sits the festive Chocolate Seder Plate. Upon it are six chocolate symbols that capture the essence of the story of Passover – in a melt-in-your-mouth sort of way.

Z’roa – Drumstick

Representing the sacrificial lamb of Passover. The blood of the lamb was placed on the doorposts of Jewish homes, so that G-d would “pass over” those homes, sparing the children of the Jews from the tenth plague–the killing of the first born. It also represents the “mighty arm” of G-d that was used to bring us out of the Land of Egypt, chocolateless, into a land flowing with milk chocolate and honey.

Beytzah – Chocolate Egg

First of all, the egg represents the Festival Sacrifice brought to the Temple years ago at this season. Secondly, the roundness of the egg represents the continuous cycle of nature’s seasons.

Maror – Bitter Chocolate

This bitter chocolate represents the bitterness of our ancestors’ enslavement in Egypt. It helps us to remember that although our ancestors were delivered from Egypt, we are all still enslaved in our own personal Egypt.

Karpas – Strawberry

Like the sumptuous chocolate egg, the strawberry symbolizes the rebirth of the world at this spring season.

Charoset – Chocolate Mixture

A representation of the mortar that our ancestors used as slaves in Egypt.

Tapuz – Orange

In the days long ago when women were just beginning to be rabbis, Susannah Heschel was traveling in Florida, the Land of Oranges. One night she spoke at a synagogue about the emerging equality of women in Jewish life – as rabbis, teachers and students of Torah, synagogue presidents, and in all other ways.

After she spoke, a man arose in wrath, red with fury, and said, "A woman belongs on the bimah as much as an orange belongs on the Seder plate!"

So ever since that day, we place an orange on the Seder plate, for it belongs there as a symbol that women belong wherever Jews carry on a sacred life.

Kadesh – The First Cup

Remember, milk does the body good, giving us strong bones and a sparkling, healthy smile. Let us thank the cows for their many hours of patient giving. Let us not forget the cocoa trees that grow and give us the sweetness of this chocolate. And let our minds turn to those who on this day are not blessed with the taste of chocolate. Together, we raise our first cup of chocolate milk and say:

Blessed art Thou, Eternal our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, creator of cocoa beans of the tree.

Blessed art Thou, Eternal our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who chose us from all congregants and exalted us among congregations by giving us this holy confection. With pleasure you gave us this festival for enjoyment; as this day – the feast of chocolate; the season of our bondage to soapand beauty myths you have chosen us to remember chocolate, the way it was.

And we sing: Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, shehakol nihyeh bi-d’varo.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the universe, at whose word all things come into being.

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyemanu, v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, for giving us life, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this (chocolate) day.

(Drink the first glass of chocolate milk.)

Urchatz – Wash the Face

(Either the leader alone on behalf of the group or everybody washes their face without a blessing to prepare for the inevitable acne breakout which will follow this seder.)

Karpas – Dipping of the Greens

The fruit we see before us represents the earth, which provides us with sustenance, nourishment, and chocolate. We dip in chocolate sauce, representing the mud that our ancestors trudged through during this season. The mud of the chocolate also represents the results of the spring rains in this season.

(Dip strawberries in chocolate and say together:)

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam borei p’ree ha-adamah.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, Creator of the Fruits of the Earth.

(Eat the dipped strawberry.)

Yachatz – Break the Middle Matzah

(We break the Middle Matzah into two pieces. We wrap and set aside the larger piece as the Afikomen, the dessert Matzah to be eaten at the end of our meal.Find the afikomen and you might just get a chocolate prize.)

Why do we break the middle matzah? Chocolate matzah is a symbol of the unsatisfying types of chocolate on which we subsisted as slaves. Only those who are truly consumed by chocolate cravings would break in half this meager fare and put it aside for later – not knowing from where their next chocolate fix would come.

Maggid – Tell the Story

Ha Lachma Anya – This is the chocolate of affliction that our forefathers used in South America. All who have a craving, let them come and eat, before we devour it all. All who are needy, let them come and enjoy, because sometimes chocolate can comfort you like nothing else can. Now we are here, hopefully next year we will be in Hershey Park. Now we are slaves to chocolate; next year may we indulge only when we choose.

(Fill cups with chocolate milk for the second time).

The Four Questions

Mah nishtanah ha-laila hazeh mikol ha-leilot?

Why is this night different from all other nights?

On all other nights we eat chocolate chip cookies and chocolate covered matzah.

Why on this night do we only eat chocolate matzah?

On all other nights we eat all kinds of chocolate.

Why on this night do we eat only bittersweet chocolate?

On all other nights we eat our fruit plain.

Why on this night do we dip it in chocolate?

On all other nights we eat complete, well-balanced meals. Why on this night

are the four food groups Light, Dark, Milk, and Semi-Sweet?

We begin to answer: This night is different from all other nights because once we had no chocolate, but G-d, with a solid chocolate hand, sticky fingers and an outstretched arm, showed us the cocoa bean. If G-d had not shown us the cocoa bean, then we, and our children, would never know the delights of eating chocolate, and would still be without chocolate. This night is also different because once we ate many desserts, but now we eat only chocolate. Praised be G-d who gave the secret of the cocoa bean to the people of Israel. Praised be G-d.

Now, even if all of us were chefs and all of us chocolate connoisseurs – even if all of us were learned in the intimate details of the mysteries of chocolate, it would still be our duty to tell of our experiences with chocolate. Whoever elaborates on them deserves praise.

The Four Children

Blessed is G-d, who bestowed chocolate upon all people and gave us the Law. The Torah commands us to teach our children about the delights of sweet freedom and chocolate. The Talmud suggests four different ways children might react.

The Milk Chocolate Child might ask: “What is the meaning of these chocolate eating customs in which WE engage in, which the Lord has commanded us to observe?” We should explain to this child in great detail all the laws and customs surrounding the custom of eating chocolate.

The Vanilla Child might ask: “What is the meaning of these evil chocolate eating customs in which YOU engage in, which the Lord has commanded you to observe?” Since this child does not want to be included in the celebration, we must answer harshly, “I eat this chocolate because of what G-d did for me when I was in Egypt. Had you been there, you would have been sent to your room with NO chocolate to eat!”

The Dark Chocolate Child: “What is all this? What is all this chocolate?” You shall explain to this child the ingredients of the chocolate and teach her/him how to make such treats.

The Chocolate Deprived Child: Alas, he is too chocolate deprived to even ask what this is, for he has (poor him), never experienced chocolate before. We must explain to this child that we observe the Festival of Sweet Freedom to remember that G-d has given us the sacred gift of the cocoa bean.

Retelling the Story

Tonight we remember the story of Passover with a chocolate twist. On this night, we remember the story of chocolate and the Jews.

Convinced he would encounter Jewish traders on his 1492 journey, Christopher Columbus brought along a Jew as a Hebrew interpreter. Although he met no Jews in the New World, he did find oddly shaped “almonds” that were highly valued by the natives—cacao beans. . .

It was conquistador Hernán Cortés who carried the art of making the Aztecs’ xocolatl, or “bitter water,” to Spain. . .

The Spanish nobility swooned over the aphrodisiac and revitalizing qualities of chocolate, but disliked its bitterness. To appease European taste buds, it was loaded with sugar and later blended with hot milk. A delectable drink for the wealthy was born.

The clamor for chocolate coincided with the forced conversion and expulsion of the Jews of Spain and Portugal. When the Jews left, they took with them knowledge of how to make chocolate and a sense of its value. Jewish traders introduced chocolate to France. One center of Jewish chocolate-making was Bayonne, where, as the legend goes, Jewish settlers managed to convince church authorities that chocolate was “kosher” for Lent.

Another popular destination for Spanish and Portuguese refugees was the Netherlands. The Dutch West India Company was keen to cultivate the Jewish Diaspora’s worldwide trade links, and Jewish traders fanned out throughout the New World.

But Jewish commercial success bred resentment. The French instituted discriminatory laws and the Spanish and Portuguese exported the Inquisition to their colonies, forcing Jews to flee to Dutch territories such as Curacao and New Amsterdam, the future New York. Aaron Lopez, an influential merchant and cacao trader, was the first Jew to be naturalized in British Massachusetts. A fervent supporter of the American Revolution, Lopez lamented the fact that Jews, struggling with provision shortages during the upheaval while attempting to keep kosher, were “forced to subsist on chocolate and coffee.”

In the 20th century, the rise of Nazism yielded a new exodus of Jewish chocolate-makers. In 1933, Eliyahu Fromenchenko, owner of a candy factory in Latvia, arrived in Palestine and founded the chocolate company, Elite. Five years later, Viennese chocolatier Stephen Klein came to New York City and established the chocolate company Barton’s.

Despite the centuries-long bond between Jews and chocolate, the confection “didn’t come into ritual use,” says Rabbi Deborah Prinz, author of Jews on the Chocolate Trail blog. Chocolate was not easily accessible and was expensive, although it did eventually make its way into festive foods such as hamantaschen, sufganiyot, rugelach and Passover chocolate cakes. The most famous Jewish chocolate, Hanukkah gelt, turned edible around the 18th century thanks to the December feast of St. Nicholas, during which children in Belgium, the Netherlands and Germany receive bags of golden foil-covered chocolate coins.

The Ten Plagues

All this fun has its drawbacks – We spill ten drops of chocolate milk for the ten plagues:

1.Thirst

2.Zits

3.Obesity

4.Cavities

5.Indigestion

6.Nausea

7.Diarrhea

8.Diabetes

9.Regurgitation

10.Death of Milton Hershey

Dayenu

How many abundant favors G-d has performed for us!

Had G-d only taught us how to pick the cocoa beans off the tree,

Dayenu!

Had G-d only shown us how to crush the cocoa beans into sweet chocolate,

Dayenu!

How G-d only taken us out of Egypt and allowed us to make chocolate in freedom,

Dayenu!

Had G-d provided the cocoa bean, and made us pick them and grind them ourselves rather than picking up ready-made chocolate from the store,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us only the original Hershey’s Kisses and not added almonds,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us only plain and almond Kisses and not devised Hershey’s Hugs,

Dayenu!

Had G-d allowed us only to eat our chocolate bars dipped in peanut butter and not had Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us only chocolate chips, and not chocolate chip cookies,

Dayenu!

Had G-d permitted us only brown, tan, orange, yellow, and Green M&M’s,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us red M&Ms, but made them melt in our hands too,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us Haagen Daas Triple Brownie Overload, but not given a hekshur to Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie,

Dayenu!

Had G-d given us only chocolate Hanukah gelt, and not real gelt to buy real chocolate,

Dayenu!

(Sing the refrain of “Dayenu”)

The Passover Symbols

According to the Godiva Rebbe, in telling the story of our receiving of the secret of the cocoa bean and chocolate, we must explain the three most important symbols. Without this, we have not fulfilled the purpose of the Seder.

Hershey Bars – We eat Hershey Bars to remind us that there is a place on Earth where even the lamp posts are shaped like chocolate kisses, and we pray for a time when every place on Earth will experience the joys of chocolate.

Chocolate Matzah – We eat chocolate matzah to remind us how our ancestors did not have time to put chocolate on matzah, but we do.

Bittersweet Chocolate – We eat bittersweet chocolate to remind us that life, even with chocolate, isn’t always sweet.

Drink second cup of milk

Blessed art Thou, Eternal our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, creator of cocoa beans of the tree, who brought us here today to eat chocolate and creates chocolate milk. Adonai our G-d, help us celebrate future holidays and festivals with sweetness, joy, and chocolate.

And we sing: Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, shehakol nihyeh bi-d’varo.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the universe, at whose word all things come into being.

(Drink the second glass of chocolate milk.)

Rachatz – Wash the Face

We Praise you, Adonai our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who has made us holy by your Mitzvot and commanded us to wash our faces after we have eaten a lot of chocolate so we don’t look messy.

Motzi Matzah – Eat the Chocolate Matzah

(Lift three chocolate matzahs and say:)

Praised is G-d, who created a world where we can bring forth the components of breadand chocolate, our sustenance, from the earth.

Praised be You, Creator of sweets and calories, who has sanctified us by commanding our sweet tooth to eat of this delicacy.

Maror - Eat the Bittersweet Chocolate

We dip the bittersweet chocolate into the chocolate charoset to remind ourselves of a time when our ancestors only had bittersweet chocolate, but no milk chocolate or M&Ms. Together we say:

We praise You, Adonai our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who commands us to eat the Bittersweet chocolate.

(Dip some bittersweet chocolate into the chocolate mix and eat them together.)

Korech - The Hillel S’more

According to the great sage Hillel, as a reminder ofthose many nights of camping around a campfire when our bellies were full but we ate more anyway, we combine a piece of this third matzah with marshmallow fluff, the chocolate nut mixture (charoset) and the bittersweet chocolate (maror) and eat the resulting sandwich.

(Combine matzah, chocolate nut mixture, bittersweet chocolate and marshmallow and eat them)

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Shulchan Orech – Festive Treats

Yum.

Tzafun - Finding the Afikomen

All search for the hidden afikomen. When it is found and returned to the leader, a small piece is distributed to each person to eat.

Barech - Grace after Sweets

(pour third cup of chocolate milk)