“CHRISTMAS AT BROOKDALE”
The audience enters to see an open, empty stage. Curtain open. One single work light stands up center.
House lights out. Work light out.
Voice over: This is CNN with a late breaking news alert. This just in: Christmas has been cancelled! Yes, you’ve heard it here first: Christmas has been cancelled. Details remain vague, but rumors are circulating that Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus are divorcing amid scandalous rumors. As we learn more details, we will keep you informed. Sad news indeed for all the children of the world, but as of now, Santa will not be visiting you this year.
Work light up.
We see a cleaning lady, Mrs. O’Mally, alone on stage. She is dressed like the Carol Burnett cleaning lady character: floppy hat, ugly shoes, and unspeakable dress. She is facing upstage. She is sweeping and has a mop, a bucket and other cleaning supplies that will become props later on. She is also on headsets.
VOICE OVER (we assume that the voice is in the headsets): Mrs. O’Mally? Mrs. O’Mally? Can you hear me, Mrs. O’Mally?
OMALLY: (She stops to flip a switch on the headsets.) Yeah? Whadda want? I’m busy!
VOICE OVER: Did you hear the news? Christmas has been cancelled.
OMALLY: Right. Christmas is cancelled. Sure it is. Did the Tooth Fairy tell you that? I don’t have time for your jokes.
VOICE OVER: This is no joke! It’s all over the news.
OMALLY: Are you putting me on with this? Since when is Christmas cancelled?
VOICE OVER: It’s true! I’m watching it on CNN right now. Mr. and Mrs. Claus have split up.
OMALLY: I knew it would never last. They were all wrong for each other…. Just last week I read in The Enquirer that Santa had been seen out on the town with…..
VOICE OVER: (Interrupting her) Anyway, since Christmas has been cancelled, you can go home.
OMALLY: (Stopping abruptly, suddenly interested.) What? What did you say?
VOICE OVER: I said, just finish your work down there and go home. With no Christmas, we’ve cancelled The Christmas show, too.
OMALLY: Wow! I get to go home early?
VOICE OVER: Yep.
OMALLY: No show?
VOICE OVER: No show.
OMALLY: Yipee! Lemme tell you something: Christmas ain’t cancelled! I got what I want! I get to go home early! Yipee!
You know, it’s a good thing you cancelled the Christmas show before the audience……
(she has spun around to face downstage in mid sentence and realizes that she is in front of a full house.) (Stuttering and stammering badly) er…. uh….. uh, er….
VOICE OVER: Mrs. O’Mally? What’s wrong?
OMALLY: (Unable to speak, terrified) The…. the… the…
VOICE OVER: The What?
OMALLY: The audience… they’re here.. they’re right here… staring at me….
VOICE OVER: WHAT? There is an audience there? There is an audience at Brookdale?
OMALLY: uh…. yeah…
VOICE OVER: Well, well… er, uh … Do something! I’ll be right over. But, in the meantime: Do something!
OMALLY: Do what?
VOICE OVER : I don’t care what, just do something to entertain them until I can get there. Do sock puppets or interpretive dance with your broom for all I care. Just SING SOMETHING!
OMALLY: I can’t sing!
VOICE OVER: Just sing!
OMALLY: I can’t
VOICE OVER: Sing something!
OMALLY: I can’t sing
(repeat over and over, faster and faster until…)
VOICE OVER: SING!
OMALLY: La! (one short, staccato note).
VOICE OVER: Keep going!
OMALLY: La! La! La!
VOICE OVER: Now dance.
(Again, the same routine: steady crescendo of “I can’t” and “Dance!” until O’Mally takes that first, tentative step).
VOICE OVER: Good. Keep going. I’m on my way. I’ll get there as soon as I can. Just keep going! (We hear a dial tone. The voice has hung up on her.)
OMALLY: (desperately afraid, unable to think, move or speak, she tries to sing in a weak, small, off pitch voice.) La… la… la….. la…. etc.
OMALLY’s Song begins {{“Oh, what a day, I don’t know what to say…}} and ends with very little success. Very little orchestration under her.
(Orchestra vamps)
ACTOR # 2: (hidden in the audience, suddenly jumping to her feet, quite agitated. A spot light finds her.) Oh, for Heaven’s sake! What is this nonsense? This poor woman is terrible! What is she doing up there? She’s the cleaning lady, for crying out loud! Is this Brookdale’s idea of a show?
(Actor #2 begins to sing: “She is so bad….”)
ACTOR #3: (Also hidden in the audience, suddenly jumping to her feet, also angry. She is a Mom, holding the hand of a badly behaved child. A spot light finds her.) (Orchestra vamps under her dialogue.)
You think YOU’RE disappointed?! I brought my son/daughter here today to see a big show! It was this or the mall. The mall’s looking better and better:
We came here to see a Christmas show. And these tickets did not come cheap!
ACTOR #4: (her child. Exceptionally obnixious and whining.)
I want Santa, Reindeer, elves and Snow. And I want it right now! If it’s Christmas At Brookdale!
{{ORCHESTRA VAMP}}
{{DIALOGUE}}
ACTOR #5 & 6: (Married couple. Just like the other, they are also hidden in the audience. However, the spot light finds them just as they begin to sing.)
Look! We just happen to have our guitars ‘cause it’s Christmas At Brookdale!
{{ORCHESTRA VAMP}}
{{DIALOGUE}}
But, for Christmas we need dancers, right? We need Radio City, we need the Rockettes, we need the Nutcracker!
ACTOR #7: (Again, hidden in the audience. He is a dancer and is waving his dance shoes in the air.)
I am a dancer and I’ve got my shoes, our guitars ‘cause it’s Christmas At Brookdale!
((Those six cast members have remaind in their spot with a light on them until now. *****All cast members on satage with this as the cue:
OMALLY:
<Introduce the country queen, too?<
STOP! We can’t do a show. Sure, we have people who can sing a dancer and two guitarists. But, for Christmas we need music.
CAST: Ah, gee…. you’re right….. We can’t do this without more musicians.
BIG REVEAL FOR THE BAND.
Look! It’s Joe Accurso here with us! No one’s fingers can move as fast!
Gary Mazzroppi on the bass.
so and so is on the drums….
OMALLY: Can anyone else join us up here?
Now, additional cast members have entered from the
audience.
BIG TUTTI for the ending. Joy, relief, etc.
Don’t bring up cast until …..